Please rate my academic writing pt2 and give suggestions.

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Writing 2. Task: Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Essay:
Nowadays, sports has became more popular than it ever was and with all the attention from the media sports professionals are being perceived as celebrities and get paid accordingly. While some people believe it is wrong and unfair, I think it is completely justified.
First of all, it takes an enormous effort and dedication to become a professional. Lots of sportsmen dream about high level action, but only those few who possess a combination of hard work, talent, strong will and luck succeed. What is more, athletes often give up their education opportunities and personal life to make time for trainings, which results in them not being suitable for other jobs.
Another major reason is that going in for sports implies high health risks, especially at the professional level. Head traumas, bone fractures and other injuries persistently accompany qualified athletes’ everyday lives. Furthermore, it is a common practice for a sports professional to take steroids and other medicine alike. Considering these facts, athletes retire much earlier than specialists in other fields of work.
As opposed to the above ideas, some people believe that such salaries are overestimated and unmerited. Advocates of this point of view find sports activities pointless in comparison to noble professions like doctor or engineer, which are much more important for the society but not that highly rewarded.
Taking everything into account, I strongly believe athletes deserve every penny they are paid, because not only do the sacrifice a regular style of living in order to acquire the necessary skills, but also put their health and well-being at stake, while not being completely certain it will take them to professional sports.

[Flick]

Writing 2. Task: Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Essay:

Nowadays, sport has become more popular than ever before, and with all the attention from the media, sports professionals are being perceived as celebrities and are paid accordingly. While some people believe it is wrong and unfair, I think it is completely justified.

First of all, it takes an enormous effort and dedication to become a professional sportsman. Lots of sportsmen dream about high level success, but only those few who possess a combination of hard work, talent, strong will and luck achieve this goal. What is more, athletes often give up their education opportunities and personal life to make time for training, which results in them not being suitable for other jobs.

Another major reason is that playing sports implies high health risks, especially at the professional level. Head traumas, bone fractures and other injuries persistently accompany qualified athletes’ everyday lives. Furthermore, it is a common practice for a sports professional to take steroids and other medicine. Considering these facts, athletes retire much earlier than specialists in other fields of work.

As opposed to the above ideas, some people believe that such salaries are overestimated and unmerited. Advocates of this point of view find sports activities pointless in comparison to noble professions like doctor or engineer, which are much more important for society but not that highly rewarded.

Taking everything into account, I strongly believe athletes deserve every penny they are paid, because not only do they sacrifice a regular lifestyle in order to acquire the necessary skills, but also put their health and well-being at stake, while not being completely certain it will take them to a professional level.