SOMEONE PLEASE RATE MY IELTS WRITING TASK 2 PLEASE!!

[MiaNguyen]

TOPIC: Advances in technology and automation have reduced the need for manual labour. Therefore, working hours should be reduced. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

ESSAY:
It is undeniably true that the development of technology and automation has made the need for manual labour somewhat redundant. While I agree that this is beneficial, I do not support the idea that hours of working should therefore be diminished.

On the one hand, technological and automatical advances have brought about various benefits, especially in labour. Newly developed and invented apparatuses are becoming increasingly useful in helping to boost the quality of work. Take the automatic manufacturing system for example. If long ago, humans were the main source of labour that had to do all the work from using the initial materials to producing the finished products, nowadays, their role is usually taken over by machines. Not only does this lead to the increase in the number of products being produced in a certain amount of time but it also makes the need for manual labour less necessary.

On the other hand, I think it would be better not to cut off the hours of work since working hours still does affect the quality of work to a certain extent. This is due to the fact that if there are less hours of work, the machines alone are less likely to guarantee the work quality. Moreover, there are some cases in which there may be technical problems with the machines. Therefore, in such situations, less working hours can make the case even worse, especially concerning the work quality.

In conclusion, although technological and automatical advancements are beneficial, the importance of manual labour and the hours of working should not be ignored.

[lingxia]

a very high level essay indeed.sorry i am incapable to mark essays in such level.

[glishteach]

TOPIC: Advances in technology and automation have reduced the need for manual labour. Therefore, working hours should be reduced. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

ESSAY:
It is undeniably true that the development of technology and automation has made the need for manual labour somewhat redundant. While I agree that this is beneficial, I do not support the idea that hours of working should therefore be diminished.

On the one hand, technological and automatical advances have brought about various benefits, especially in labour. Newly developed and invented apparatus are becoming increasingly useful in helping to boost the quality of work. Take the automatic manufacturing system for example. Not long ago, humans were the main source of labour that had to do all the work from using the initial materials to producing the finished products, nowadays, their role is usually taken over by machines. Not only does this lead to the increase in the number of products being produced in a certain amount of time but it also makes the need for manual labour less vital.

On the other hand, I think it would be better not to reduce the amount of working hours since working hours still do affect the quality of work to a certain extent. This is due to the fact that if there are less hours of work, the machines alone are less likely to guarantee the work quality. Moreover, there are some cases in which there may be technical problems with the machines. Therefore, in such situations, less working hours can make the case even worse, especially concerning the product quality.

In conclusion, although advancements in technology and automation are beneficial, the importance of manual labour and the hours of working should not be ignored.

[glishteach]

I forgot to chance one instance of 'automatical'. This is not a word.

[glishteach]

Otherwise, I thought it was very good! Probably a 6/6.5