Topic : Computers and modems have made it possible for office workers to do much of their work from home instead of working in offices every day. Working from home should be encouraged as it is good for workers and employers.
In today's world, technology has opened up many new possibilities of work style. People can now work from anywhere because of computers and modems. It is argued that working from home should be encouraged as it is beneficial to both workers and their employers. Analyzing the possibility of using an employee's travel time for individual development as well as increase in the productivity of a person working from home will show this.
Firstly, the commute time of a worker can be used to improve his personality. For example, instead of wasting hours travelling to and from office, this extra time can be accounted to learn new skills which will be advantageous in his personal life. Unfortunately this is not the case for workers who travel to office. Thus this makes it clear why working from home is preferable for the worker.
Secondly, an employee is said to be more productive while telecommuting. For instance, a recent analysis by Yahoo Inc. has shown that employees working from home finish more work as they do not waste time attending unnecessary meetings and discussions. Were these same employees working from office, their efficiency would have come down incredibly. From this it becomes evident that working remotely is good for employer.
In summary, working from home can benefit both employee and employer by increasing the efficiency of the worker and also helping the employee tame his skills. It is hoped more and more employers promote workers to telecommute.
Need feedback for my essay
Re: Need feedback for my essay
Hope it helps! I just give my own feedback for you as a candidate who is also going to sit an IELTS exam.
In today's world, technology has opened up many new possibilities of work style. People can now work from anywhere because of/thanks to computers and modems. It is argued that working from home should be encouraged as it is beneficial to both workers and their (leave it out) employers. Analyzing the possibility of using an employee's travel time for individual development as well as (an) increase in the productivity of a person working from home will show this.
Firstly, the commute time of a worker can be used to improve his personality. For example, instead of wasting hours travelling to and from office, this extra time can be accounted to learn new skills which will be advantageous in his personal life. Unfortunately this is not the case for workers who travel to office. Thus this makes it clear why working from home is preferable for the worker.
Secondly, an employee is said to be more productive while telecommuting. For instance, a recent analysis by Yahoo Inc. has shown that employees working from home finish more work as they do not waste time attending unnecessary meetings and discussions. Were these same employees working from office, their efficiency would have come down incredibly. From this (,) it becomes evident that working remotely is good for employer.
In summary, working from home can benefit both employee and employer by increasing the efficiency of the worker and also helping the employee tame his skills (taming skills for employees). It is hoped more and more employers promote workers to telecommute.
In today's world, technology has opened up many new possibilities of work style. People can now work from anywhere because of/thanks to computers and modems. It is argued that working from home should be encouraged as it is beneficial to both workers and their (leave it out) employers. Analyzing the possibility of using an employee's travel time for individual development as well as (an) increase in the productivity of a person working from home will show this.
Firstly, the commute time of a worker can be used to improve his personality. For example, instead of wasting hours travelling to and from office, this extra time can be accounted to learn new skills which will be advantageous in his personal life. Unfortunately this is not the case for workers who travel to office. Thus this makes it clear why working from home is preferable for the worker.
Secondly, an employee is said to be more productive while telecommuting. For instance, a recent analysis by Yahoo Inc. has shown that employees working from home finish more work as they do not waste time attending unnecessary meetings and discussions. Were these same employees working from office, their efficiency would have come down incredibly. From this (,) it becomes evident that working remotely is good for employer.
In summary, working from home can benefit both employee and employer by increasing the efficiency of the worker and also helping the employee tame his skills (taming skills for employees). It is hoped more and more employers promote workers to telecommute.
Re: Need feedback for my essay
Very nice insight, Azaaza. Thank you for taking the time to get involved.
Sujan, I think you present several good points in the essay. If the action words of your question state something like "do you agree or disagree", your thesis is clear. I like how you separate workers and employers into their own supporting paragraphs when you argue the merits of telecommuting. Your examiner will note the logical progression. The examples look pretty good. Please try to be as specific as you can (i.e. consider actually sharing what "advantageous" thing the worker would study to better their personal life).
On the whole, your grammar looks quite good. There is no point in the essay when the reader loses track of your message (a distinguishing feature of band 7 and above writing). But as Azaaza points out, there appears to be some minor inaccuracy at times. Articles have some occasional misuse. Please stick a comma after your "thus".
Lexical resources are pretty good; however, there are still a few areas of awkwardness (i.e. I know you mean "domestic" when you write "tame", but this reads very awkwardly). Also, it is considered poor style to be gender specific when referring to people in general (i.e."...improve his personality...").
This is band 7.5 writing. The good news is that it appears very minor things are holding you back from getting into band 8 territory.
Good luck.
Sujan, I think you present several good points in the essay. If the action words of your question state something like "do you agree or disagree", your thesis is clear. I like how you separate workers and employers into their own supporting paragraphs when you argue the merits of telecommuting. Your examiner will note the logical progression. The examples look pretty good. Please try to be as specific as you can (i.e. consider actually sharing what "advantageous" thing the worker would study to better their personal life).
On the whole, your grammar looks quite good. There is no point in the essay when the reader loses track of your message (a distinguishing feature of band 7 and above writing). But as Azaaza points out, there appears to be some minor inaccuracy at times. Articles have some occasional misuse. Please stick a comma after your "thus".
Lexical resources are pretty good; however, there are still a few areas of awkwardness (i.e. I know you mean "domestic" when you write "tame", but this reads very awkwardly). Also, it is considered poor style to be gender specific when referring to people in general (i.e."...improve his personality...").
This is band 7.5 writing. The good news is that it appears very minor things are holding you back from getting into band 8 territory.
Good luck.
