Please review and give a possible band score

[afsanaafroz]

Topic: Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school.
Do the advantages if this overweight the disadvantages?
To learn a foreign language is an unavoidable demand of today for a better future. But, where to start from, Is a matter of debate. There are potential advantages of learning a foreign language while there are some disadvantages too.
To begin with, out of all the benefits, learning a language other than mother tangh at primary level is get benefit by quick adaptation power of a young child. At early age a children is more capable to cope up with anything new or different. As no other matter or subject is essential at primary level, they can easily grasp another language. In contrast, it can be a huge pressure for a young one to expose to another one when he/she is not properly being expert with his/her basic one. Sometimes, it can be a barrier to properly acknowledge the primary one. At the same time parents are also find it difficult or confusing.
On the other hand, the process of learning foreign language stats in secondary level may be supplemented by the student’s maturity and advance level of learning skill. This benefit gets in to doubt when a pupil does not feel equal or more interest for another language as he/she is sufficiently able to communicate with the basic language.
To conclude, learning a language is a matter of building a skill which become more effective when it is well practiced. So, the benefits of become exposed to another language at early age can help one to be the expert of it at later stage.

word count:286

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hi!
My apologies for the late reply!
Your essay answers the question and provides a point of view. However, I found the second main paragraph (secondary school) a little confusing, e.g. "the process of learning foreign language stats". Some other phrasing in the essay is a little unusual, e.g. "This benefit gets in to doubt" and "Sometimes, it can be a barrier to properly acknowledge the primary one".
There are some minor grammar errors and some more serious ones, e.g. "is get benefit".
Overall, a reasonable attempt, but the vocabulary and grammar let you down.
All the best,
David

[afsanaafroz]

Thanks David
It will be a pleasure if you provide a possible band score.
Afsana