CAMBRIDGE IELTS 5 (test 2, task 1) PLEASE review my essay so i can improve my writing skill

[seafish32]

The first bar chart descibes the important reasons for study among students of different age while the second chart illustrates the amount of money they were supported by employers.
The first chart shows us nearly 80% of students under 26 study for their career and this proportion drop gradually approximately 10%-20% by ages. Only 40% of 40-49 year olds and 18% of over 49 year olds are learning for career.
Conversely, 10% of under 26 are studying for interest. Beside, this percentage keeps climp up slowly till the fourth decade and increases dramatically in late adulthood. Nearly same number of 40-49 year olds study for career and interest. However, 70% of 49 year olds study for interest in comparision to 18% of 49 year olds study for career.
The second chart demonstrates over 60% of employer support under 26 year olds. It keeps decrease slowly by about 16% to 60% in the second decade and by over 30% to 30% in the third decade but quickly recover to over 40% in the last adulthood.

[Teacher]

Dear Seafish

Always read the charts, titles, keys and so on very carefully. If you look, you'll see that the first chart shows the percentage of students in each of five age groups who chose to study out of interest or for their careers, while the second indicates the level of employer support, in terms of time to study and help with costs, for each group. Your introduction doesn't explain this.
When you do Task 1 reports, try to answer these questions:
What is the most significant information?
What is the most interesting information?
Are there any relationships between the data?
Group information logically and try to end with an overview of the information given.
Watch your word and verb forms and your spelling, and pay attention to vocabulary.


I hope this helps.
Kind regards
Teacher Jill

[prashaanty2j]

can I use past tense for the same question?
or it has to be present tense.

[Teacher]

Dear Seafish
Since there are no dates on the charts (no historical data to refer to) stick to present simple, because you are saying what the charts show (now, today). If there were dates on the charts, then you could use past simple for a time in the past, and future simple (+ a phrase suggesting probability) for a projection.
If the chart is from a survey in 2000, you could say The first chart shows us nearly 80% of students under 26 studied for their career ...
If the chart is a projection for 2020, you could say The first chart suggests that nearly 80% of students under 26 will study for their career ...
See the examples with different tenses and expressions here http://www.ieltsexchange.com/#!task-1-writing-tips/ckog
Kind regards
Teacher Jill