Creative persons should be paid or not

[ABDULKAREEM]

Some people say that creative persons such as singers and artists… should be paid by the government of their country, while others think that they can earn money in different ways.

Discuss both points and give your opinion.


Nowadays, an often debated topic is whether a government should provide its country’s creative persons such as artists and singers with salary or not. Many believe that as they play an essential role in sorting many internal issues out, creative person should be paid by governments. However, others who consider creative person work as a sort of self-employment feel that they should not be salaried. Both sides of the argument will be discussed in this essay before a conclusion is reached.
On one hand, many people argue that artists’ activities can often help to overcome different types of emerged societies’ problems by drawing the international attention. Iraqi children kidnapping problem is a good example for this. By displaying his pictures in the painting festival held in 2005 France, a well-known Iraqi painter Salah hashimi succeeded in making the international countries try by their power to protect Iraqi children from abduction. As this example shows how artists’ activities play an imperative role in attracting the international attention, many people believe that artists still bring value to modern society and should be paid.
On the other hand, people who can gain their living from their own work such as artists and singers should not be given monetary assistance by their country’s government as others believe. Take Walt Disney for example, although he and his poor family lived in a very difficult situation, he succeeded in making a huge fortune after creating figures like Mickey mouse and making a great world of animations. Thus, it is clear why some people argue that creative person can earn money in different ways.
After looking at both opinions, it is felt that governments need to help financially creative person as far as they do not have outlay to start their business. It is hoped authorities allocate budget for creative people.

[Ryan]

Hi Abdul,

To start, there are several grammatical issues with the essay question. In future, please post an accurate version of the question to ensure I can properly assess how closely your respond to it.

The essay itself has a recognizable structure, but all sentences appear to contain at least one grammatical problem. The grammar problems lead to mild incoherence in areas (a distinguishing factor of writing lower than band 6 for grammar). Please review how to properly use articles, plurals and commas (these problems are very apparent in this piece).

I think the topics, examples and logical conclusions you provide are strong. You do a good job of making the case for each side of this argument. Your choice to share tangible examples...

(1) the major role Salah Hashimi played in spreading an important message
(2) the manner in which art recognition should be left for the free market to decide, as was the case with Walt Disney

...makes the overall validity of the argument that much more solid.

My advice to you is to shorten all sentences until your grammar improves. I guarantee that you will see immediate improvement by following this strategy. I would also advise you to go back to my only resources and review how to accurately use cohesive phrases. I see some misuse (i.e. "As this example shows how..." and "Take Walt Disney for example, although..." should be "As this example shows, artists' activities..." and "Take Walt Disney, for example. Although...".

I would gauge this essay about a band 5.5.

Good luck.

[ABDULKAREEM]

Thank you for the marking and useful advice. I will try to do my best to avoid the grammatical mistakes in the future.

[Tina]

Hi Ryan ,

Please mark my essay too . This is my first visit in this forum

All of us appreciate the creative ideas and obviously the creative persons . It is an important issue to discuss that what measures , we should take in order to save the talent of creative persons. Actually , it is quiet a debatable topic that whether the talented people should be supported by government or they should earn money in different ways and I disagree with the fact that they should be funded by the government .

If the creative persons are aided by the government there are surely some positive aspects eg we can surely preserve the talent of an artists and they can focus on their skills rather than facing the hardships of life . It is quiet possible that creativity may die amidst the difficulties of life like poverty. However, it is also possible that creative persons might abuse this policy of government and may start living like a parasite on the name of talent and can result in an economic burden on government .

Furthermore , it is essential for an artists or singers to experience life in toto , in order to explore their own talent and this is only possible when they will earn money by different ways rather than depending on government . Secondly , it is extremely difficult to recognize a creative person in reality and to judge , whom to be supported by government , even if such policies are adopted. There is a high chance of misuse of such financial aids.

To conclude , I believe that creative persons like artists or singers should not be paid by government and earn money in different ways or via their own talent . They should lead an independent and graceful life , as they are God gifted .

[saran]

hi tina,
i think u havent check ryan writing structure videos...please go and watch the videos...thanks

[Tina]

Thanks Saran , you are absolutely correct . I will follow your advice.

[saran]

hi tina,
can u help me out...by reviewing my letter what mistake i have made...

[Tina]

Are you preparing for academic module ? You have seen my write up . Do u think , I am capable to find out corrections in your letter . I don't think it's a good idea . I , myself struggling for writing skills and to get Band 7 and searching for a guide who can correct my tasks . Please don't mind . I wish , I could correct your task but I am not confident enough to do so . Sorry .

[saran]

hi tina,
i know that....but the concept is you know something which i dont know..i know something which u dont know..i am also trying to get band 7 ..in general .so that why...please try you can...

[Ryan]

That is a very healthy approach, Saran. Every little bit of advice can help.

I will try my best to spend a few hours commenting on submissions to this site later today and tomorrow.

[Tina]

Thanks Ryan . I am glad to see your appearance .
Regards