please check my writing task 2

[jaggi7921]

topic- the older generations tend to have very traditional ideas about how people should live,think and behave. however, some people beleive that these ideas are not helpful in preparing younger genration for modern life. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is certainly true that grey society beleives in traditional views which are seem incompatible with today's young people. While, I agree that some of the predecessor ideas are irrelevant to modern life, but I believes that there are some thoughts which are still beneficial.

On the one hand, there are several traditional views and values that are outdated. First and foremost, the job career,in past people choose only one job throughtout their life, whereas today's generation wants a varity in work and change their job after a short interval. For instance, one of my freinds who got selected in Infosys company changed their job three time in order to obtaining telephone figured salary. Another views that are not acceptable in this contemporary era is relationship like in previous time parents could choose the life partner for their children,nevertheless,today's teens would have the abiltiy to choose when and with whom they do marriage.

On the other hand, we cannot say that all of the traditional views are invalid. For example, aged people often believes in hard-working and do their best in to acheieving the effective results. This idea would help younger when they enter into competitive job market. A second idea that i think still valid is politeness. As today's teens during their job time as well as in society meet with various people and office representative, to make a good relationship with them communication skill and politeness are necessary things.

In conclusion, I would like to point out that there are no doubts that some traditional views are irrelevant in today's society, but we can't dismiss all of these.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hi Jaggi,
Task - You have clearly answered the question, but I think some points could be more developed, e.g. politeness. Ideas are good and you look at both sides of the argument.
Coherence - Good with a nice range of connectives.
Vocabulary - Quite good, but be careful to use the correct forms of words, e.g. believes in hard-working (believe in working hard).
Grammar - This is where you fall down a little, I'm afraid. I believes ... three time ... they do marriage ...people often believes. Lots of basic mistakes. Also take a bit more time to check spelling.
My other tip would be to be careful not to suggest that ALL people behave(d) in the same way. Try using some adverbs of frequency and degree (usually, many).
What's your target score?
All the best,
David

[jaggi7921]

6.5 or 7 in writing

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hi Jaggi,
In that case, work on the aforementioned points - development, vocabulary and grammar. The latter will probably prove the most difficult.
David