Pls grade my Task 2 writing: Extracurricular Activites

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larry_li
Posts: 16
Joined: Wed Jul 15, 2015 2:44 am

Pls grade my Task 2 writing: Extracurricular Activites

Post by larry_li »

I greatly appreciate if you can evaluate my essay. Thank you very much~ :)

Nowadays, full-time university students tend to focus on their studying. Some people think it is essential for university students to be involved in other activities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many news stories and documentaries have investigated a recent phenomenon that university students now only concentrate on their schoolwork but do not participate any other activities. Many, including myself, think that students should expand their life and expose themselves to activities not related to schoolwork.

It is definitely true that the first priority of students is to study. Not only is this their job, but students who have good grades also tend to have a better opportunity to secure a well-paid job. This is normally the ultimate motive making students only spend time on studying.

However, what these students often neglect is the fact that most employers also look for potential employees with a diverse set of skills and experiences. That means students with part-time job experience, students’ union involvement, or community work history are more preferred by companies and organisations. It is because students with these extracurricular experiences are more likely to have acquired the highly sought-after interpersonal skills to create good rapport with their future co-workers, business partners, and, most importantly, their clients.

In addition, taking part in activities, such as foreign exchange programmes, cross-departmental competitions, and various sports and artistic events, enables students to challenge themselves and gain a better understanding of their characteristics. These programmes push students out of their comfort zones, sharpen their problem solving ability, and realise their true potentials. Students joining these programmes have to deploy all their existing knowledge, skills, and determination in order to finish their tasks. Graduates often praise how these memories allow them to go through various difficult life situations.

To summarise, although I agree that studying is important, participating in different activities is extremely beneficial to one’s life. Extracurricular activities install in students with skills that books cannot offer and with insights that have long-lasting impacts on their lives. It is hoped that students will take part in more things outside of the classroom.

(316 words)
zion77
Posts: 4
Joined: Wed May 13, 2015 8:16 am

Re: Pls grade my Task 2 writing: Extracurricular Activites

Post by zion77 »

Personally, I think, it's well written. You have a good knowledge. I have corrected few errors. You can use the file diff application to see the changes.

Cheers,
ThomasEcafe.com

Many news stories and documentaries have investigated the recent phenomenon that university students now concentrate only on their schoolwork but do not participate in any other activities. Many people, including myself, think that students should expand their life and expose themselves to activities not related to schoolwork.

It is true that the students give priority to studies. Those who have good grades tend to secure a well-paid job. The objective to get a better job is the main reason to spend more time in studies.

However, what these students often neglect is the fact that most employers also look for potential employees with a diverse set of skills and experiences. That means students with the part-time job experience, involvement in students’ union, or community work history are more preferred by companies and organizations. The reason is that students with these extracurricular experiences are more likely to have acquired the highly sought-after interpersonal skills to create a good rapport with the co-workers, business partners, and, most importantly, their clients.

Also, taking part in activities, such as foreign exchange programs, cross-departmental competitions, and various sports and artistic events enables students to challenge themselves and gain a better understanding of their characteristics. These programs push students out of their comfort zones, sharpen their problem-solving ability, and realize their true potentials. Students joining these programs have to deploy all their existing knowledge, skills, and determination to finish their tasks. These precious memories allow the graduates to go through various trials that come in the lifetime.

To summarize, although I agree that studying is important, participating in different activities is extremely beneficial to one’s life. The extracurricular activities instill in students with the skills that books cannot offer and with insights that have long-lasting impacts on their lives. Let us hope that students will take part in more activities outside of the classroom.
larry_li
Posts: 16
Joined: Wed Jul 15, 2015 2:44 am

Re: Pls grade my Task 2 writing: Extracurricular Activites

Post by larry_li »

Thank you very much ~! :D
zion77 wrote:Personally, I think, it's well written. You have a good knowledge. I have corrected few errors. You can use the file diff application to see the changes.

Cheers,
ThomasEcafe.com

Many news stories and documentaries have investigated the recent phenomenon that university students now concentrate only on their schoolwork but do not participate in any other activities. Many people, including myself, think that students should expand their life and expose themselves to activities not related to schoolwork.

It is true that the students give priority to studies. Those who have good grades tend to secure a well-paid job. The objective to get a better job is the main reason to spend more time in studies.

However, what these students often neglect is the fact that most employers also look for potential employees with a diverse set of skills and experiences. That means students with the part-time job experience, involvement in students’ union, or community work history are more preferred by companies and organizations. The reason is that students with these extracurricular experiences are more likely to have acquired the highly sought-after interpersonal skills to create a good rapport with the co-workers, business partners, and, most importantly, their clients.

Also, taking part in activities, such as foreign exchange programs, cross-departmental competitions, and various sports and artistic events enables students to challenge themselves and gain a better understanding of their characteristics. These programs push students out of their comfort zones, sharpen their problem-solving ability, and realize their true potentials. Students joining these programs have to deploy all their existing knowledge, skills, and determination to finish their tasks. These precious memories allow the graduates to go through various trials that come in the lifetime.

To summarize, although I agree that studying is important, participating in different activities is extremely beneficial to one’s life. The extracurricular activities instill in students with the skills that books cannot offer and with insights that have long-lasting impacts on their lives. Let us hope that students will take part in more activities outside of the classroom.
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