Hey,
I would greatly appreciate someone looking through my Writing Task 2.
I don't know anyone being able to correct my Essays.
I am taking the Academic Test in 2 weeks, aiming for a 6.5 score in every section.
Task: Rapid progress in the fields of genetics and gene therapy are likely to have profound effects on people's lives in the foreseeable future. By altering people's genetic make-up, it may be possible for doctors to cure hereditary diseases, and for parents to choose important characteristics for their children such as their sex or level of intelligence. Such a development would be a major breakthrough for humanity and would solve many present-day problems.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
My answer: "Whether to change the genetic structure of humans to cure inherent diseases or improve individual weaknesses, has been discussed vividly by all kind of experts of related fields. Personally, I believe that such alterations should be allowed, but only to the medical aspect of curing hereditary diseases – demanding control organs to save from abuse of this emerging technology.
There is a chance for illnesses that are saved in the genetic code of a person to be transferred to its children. If manipulating parts of the gen structure could prevent passing on such infected stems to our heirs, it would most likely save them from a life in pain and agony. For example,victims exposed to the radioactive radiation caused by the accident in Chernobyl would not bear crippled or mentally damaged children anymore.
On the other hand, opponents of gen-manipulation claim that to many people would misuse the possibility to alter their children's beings. Some parents would most likely want their children to be born more intelligent, beautiful, stress resistant and so forth. One feared example are non-emancipated cultures like China or India where the population would perhaps shift towards a male dominated culture, as women are said to be less successfull. The huge problem with this development would lie in the fact that those newborn children wouldn't have a chance to decide about their own lives.
Furthermore, only rich people would benefit from the success of this new technology. Altering one's genetic skeleton is estimated to be highly expensive, making it impossible for non wealthy people in need for this method to afford it. As a result, features like beauty, intelligence and health would be left alone for the elite society, providing their children with huge advantages and thus creating an unbalanced world.
Weighing up the arguments, I am convinced that gen-manipulation should be further developed to cure serious diseases, while simultaneously finding a way to only use the invented methods to cure illnesses, instead of altering human personalities or properties."
332 words
Please correct my WT 2 :)
Re: Please correct my WT 2 :)
Dear Owlcrack
You need to focus on the main part of the question: Such a development would be a major breakthrough for humanity and would solve many present-day problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree? In other words, do you think genetic manipulation would solve many present-day problems or not? Clearly it could solve physical illness and disease, and via cosmetic changes could solve some psychological or societal problems, but would it also cause problems, too? You have written a lovely essay, with a good range of vocabulary (K5) but you need to adjust the focus a little. And watch those pesky little spelling mistakes!
Kind regards
Teacher Jill
You need to focus on the main part of the question: Such a development would be a major breakthrough for humanity and would solve many present-day problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree? In other words, do you think genetic manipulation would solve many present-day problems or not? Clearly it could solve physical illness and disease, and via cosmetic changes could solve some psychological or societal problems, but would it also cause problems, too? You have written a lovely essay, with a good range of vocabulary (K5) but you need to adjust the focus a little. And watch those pesky little spelling mistakes!
Kind regards
Teacher Jill