Please check my writing task 2

Post your Task 1 or 2 response and/or read the responses of other students and provide feedback.
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wifestealer
Posts: 14
Joined: Thu Oct 02, 2014 5:45 am

Please check my writing task 2

Post by wifestealer »

Topic : schools concentrate far too much on traditional subjects which do not adequately prepare students for the realistic demands of the modern working world.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?


In contemporary era, some people believe that many schools mainly give more preference to the traditional subjects over other subjects such as computer as well as physical education. Although, the knowledge of these subjects have augmented but still, somewhere schools rely on conventional subjects more. Therefore I agree with the statement and equal importance should be given to all subjects.

First and foremost, it is paramount role of the school to make their scholars study every type of subjects and they must be taught with equal importance. The focus needs to be on all subjects not only on mathematics or science because it would not only broaden student's understand but also it will aid to choose major areas of interest. For example, a student who is in computer science stream, the physical education subject would no harm to him. In fact, it will assist to gain information and knowledge about health along with sports.

Secondly, in high schools, if the students learn about all different kind of subjects, they will have plenty of time to decide in which field they want to go from wide range of careers. Even though, it is parents responsibility too to motivate their children to acquaint with multifarious subjects. Moreover, it would boost to build imagination and creativity where many pupils turn out to be artists.

All in all, in my opinion, parents and schools should not leave no stone unturned to inculcate wide range of knowledge and there should be equal focus on all subjects.

Writing band requirement : 6.5
Thank you !!
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Flick
Grammar Checker
Grammar Checker
Posts: 1466
Joined: Mon Apr 21, 2014 10:06 pm

Re: Please check my writing task 2

Post by Flick »

wifestealer wrote:Topic : schools concentrate far too much on traditional subjects which do not adequately prepare students for the realistic demands of the modern working world.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?


In the current era, some people believe that many schools mainly give more preference to the traditional subjects over other subjects such as computer studies as well as physical education. Although, the knowledge of these subjects have augmented but still, somewhere schools rely on conventional subjects more.(<--I do not understand this sentence.) Therefore I agree with the statement that equal importance should be given to all subjects.

First and foremost, it is the paramount role of the school to encourage the students to study every type of subject, so they must be taught with equal importance. The focus needs to be on all subjects not only on mathematics or science because it would not only broaden students' understanding but also it will help them to choose major areas of interest. For example, a student who is interested in computer science should also take part in physical education. This will help him to gain information and knowledge about health and sports.

Secondly, in high schools, if the students learn about many subjects, they will have plenty of time to decide which field they want a career in. It is the parents' responsibility to motivate their children to explore various subjects. Moreover, it would boost the imagination and creativity and may encourage some students to become artists.

All in all, in my opinion, parents and schools should leave no stone unturned to inculcate a wide range of knowledge and there should be equal focus on all subjects.

Writing band requirement : 6.5
Thank you !!
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