Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged .Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Children are the building blocks of a nation and parents play a pivotal role in child’s upbringing. Some people believe that it is essential to encourage children to be competitive, while others think that children who are taught to be co-operative become more useful individuals. These arguments will be analyzed prior coming to a reasoned conclusion.
It is felt by many that a sense of competition has positive effects on children. Firstly, competition motivates children to work hard. Children put more efforts to win competitions in order to get rewards from their teachers. For example, children try to solve many difficult questions while preparing for a quiz. They put more efforts in order to get appreciation from teachers and friends. Students who always get the first place, will always study hard to maintain their position. Thus, parents should inculcate the sense of competition in children as it helps in their learning.
On the other hand, some people believe that the drawbacks of competitiveness outweighs its advantages. It is believed that winning the competition is likely to have negative effects on children. A student may choose alternatives like cheating to win the competition. However, co-operation helps children to learn from others. They share ideas and are able to finish the given task on time. For example, I learnt a lot of skills in cricket from other players of my school’s cricket team. Thus, a co-operative child is more productive and successfully finishes his or her task by adjusting with other people.
After analyzing these two points of views, it is believed that teaching children to co-operate is beneficial. A co-operative child believes in sharing ideas and helping others, while a competitive child is selfish. Thus, a co-operative child will contribute more to the society and is likely to become a better individual in future.
Please evaluate my writing task 2 and give valuable comments.
Re: Please evaluate my writing task 2 and give valuable comments.
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Last edited by Fembass on Wed Nov 04, 2015 10:35 pm, edited 3 times in total.
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David.IELTS.Examiner
- IELTS Examiner
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Re: Please evaluate my writing task 2 and give valuable comments.
Hello Pinks!
Introduction - Very good.
Main paragraphs - Good ideas, but I think that you are assuming that all children are the same. More on that in a minute!
Conclusion - "it is believed"? Ouch! It's supposed to be YOUR conclusion! There is no real analysis of the two sides. Mainly, assertions about children that may not always be true have been listed. Also, the conclusion simply dismisses all the positive points made about competition.
Overall, ideas are there, but are usually simple, general and not well explained or developed. The conclusion is not personal. There are not many grammatical errors, but the range of structures is quite limited because you have tended to state arguments very simply.
All the best,
David
Introduction - Very good.
Main paragraphs - Good ideas, but I think that you are assuming that all children are the same. More on that in a minute!
Conclusion - "it is believed"? Ouch! It's supposed to be YOUR conclusion! There is no real analysis of the two sides. Mainly, assertions about children that may not always be true have been listed. Also, the conclusion simply dismisses all the positive points made about competition.
Overall, ideas are there, but are usually simple, general and not well explained or developed. The conclusion is not personal. There are not many grammatical errors, but the range of structures is quite limited because you have tended to state arguments very simply.
All the best,
David
Re: Please evaluate my writing task 2 and give valuable comments.
Thanks.I will try to improve.How much would you grade this essay ?