Plz assess my task 2

[raniamostafa]

In many countries airlines are dropping their prices. Is it a positive or a negative development? Give your opinion and examples.
People all over the world have different views about the reduction in airline prices .while some people argue this is a negative trend, advocates see it a positive change.
To start with people who believe in the negative impact of prices reduction in airline companies , we will find that they have their reasons for this belief.This decision would certainly lead to an increase in the number of airline flights with its subsequent drawbacks. For example, this would cause air pollution due gas emissions from aeroplanes. In addition, this change would subsequently force airline companies to decrease its costs and this would in turn affect the quality of its performance negatively. Aeroplanes ,for instance ,would be old and the quality of served food might drop.In addition, this change would subsequently force airline companies to decrease its costs and this would in turn affect the quality of its performance negatively.
However, advocates of airfare price reduction claim that this is a postive development. They argue that, this offer would enable ordinary people to travel further . Consequently, tourism and trade would markedly benefit. Turkish model in tourism encouragement is a good example for this .When they decreased the air flights prices the number of tourists to Turkey was increased in correspondence.Another benefit would be for any company if it used these new prices for advertising to its airline .
To sum up, despite the negative consequences that might happen due to the decrease in airline prices, I strongly believe that its benefits outweighs its drawbacks .

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[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!
As usual, I will go through paragraph by paragraph.

Introduction - Nice and simple.

First main paragraph - "we will find that they have their reasons for this belief". I'm a fan of the simple stuff like 'There are a few reasons why people believe this' or similar. The argument that lower costs result in lower quality is a logical one, but I think you need to support the point better. Besides, is it ALWAYS true? When I fly between Asia and Europe, Air France is often the cheapest and I'm very happy with the service.

Second main paragraph - Second sentence - do you mean 'further' or 'more often'? I don't understand the last sentence.

Conclusion - A little too simple, even for me. You haven't presented an opinion throughout the essay, only referred to the opinions of others.

Overall, quite good, but a little more development might be a good idea. Nice vocabulary (subsequently, markedly benefit). Not too many grammatical errors and a good range of structures.

All the best,
David