Kindly assess my writing task 1 and give me band score

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n0m4n
Posts: 17
Joined: Tue Aug 25, 2015 3:16 pm

Kindly assess my writing task 1 and give me band score

Post by n0m4n »

The pie charts reveal the statistical information of habitants of 3 age groups in Yemen and Italy in 2000 and their estimate for 2050.

According to the data, Yemen consisted of 46.3% of 15 to 59 years old population in 2000 and it is estimated that this figure will swell to 57.3% in 2050. 50.1% Yemen’s population was under 14 year old age in 2000 and this number will drop to 37% in 2050. Just 3.6% population was 60 years old and above and this will slightly increase to 5.7% in 2050.

On the other hand, in Italy, under 14 years and 15 to 59 years old age groups contributed 61.6% and 14.3% respectively in total population in 2000 and these figures will decline to 46.2% and 11.5% in 2050. There was just 24.1% population of 60 years old and above and this figure will swell to 42.3% in 2050.

Overall, it can be seen that there is an upward trend on the rate of 60 years and above age people in both countries.
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Last edited by n0m4n on Fri Nov 06, 2015 7:04 pm, edited 2 times in total.
David.IELTS.Examiner
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Re: Kindly assess my writing task 1 and give me band score

Post by David.IELTS.Examiner »

Hello!
This is a good report, apart from the summary. I think you need to mention more than one trend (i.e. another age group). I feel a 'whereas' or 'whilst' might be needed.
Instead of 'will' you might consider 'is estimated to'. You could also use fractions (e.g. half, third, quarter) as well as percentages and then add phrases such as 'just under/over'.
All the best,
David
n0m4n
Posts: 17
Joined: Tue Aug 25, 2015 3:16 pm

Re: Kindly assess my writing task 1 and give me band score

Post by n0m4n »

Thanks David for your consideration!

I think following will be good summary;

Overall, it can be seen that there is an upward trend on the rate of 60 years and above age people in both countries whereas under 14 years old population of both countries followed downward trend.
David.IELTS.Examiner
IELTS Examiner
IELTS Examiner
Posts: 1371
Joined: Tue May 05, 2015 4:34 am

Re: Kindly assess my writing task 1 and give me band score

Post by David.IELTS.Examiner »

"an upward trend in people aged 60 or over whereas the population aged 14 or under in both countries ..."
Good stuff!
D
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