Topic: Some people think it would be a good idea for schools to teach every young person how to be a good parent.
Do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Parenting plays a very vital role in the upbringing of children, and so in the formation of a responsible society. Therefore, learning good parenting is necessary. Many people learn it through experience. Some propose that young people at schools should be taught about the art of being a good parent. I am also gravitated to this idea, since schools can prove to be a good learning platform.
Many people learn parenting through experience, as their children grow up, they face different challenges and more often than not, they find themselves in a decisive position. Therefore, it is safe to say that their parenting is driven by the daily situations and challenges faced. However, since the personal experiences during parenting may be different for different people, many people who are not equipped with proper training of parenting may digress from the track of good parenting.
Additionally, teaching parenting to young people at school could be very fruitful for many reasons. For instance, young people who are already passing through the phase of being parented can very easily identify the shortcomings and acknowledge the strengths of their own parenting. Moreover, being at a young age they can easily remember the tips regarding how to be a good parent. Besides, not many people go through a tailor made course of parenting after school. Therefore, school can be a good platform for young people to learn how to properly bring up their children.
On a concluding remark, I totally agree with the idea that young people should be taught parenting in schools. This will ensure proper upbringing of our future generations.
Regards
Owais
Essay Assessment for Task 2 Writing
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David.IELTS.Examiner
- IELTS Examiner
- Posts: 1371
- Joined: Tue May 05, 2015 4:34 am
Re: Essay Assessment for Task 2 Writing
Hello again, Owais!
Introduction - 'gravitated' is a little strange, but otherwise a nice intro.
First main paragraph - 'decisive position'? I think this paragraph lacks detail.
Second main paragraph - As above, I don't think the ideas are clearly explained.
Conclusion - You haven't explained how this 'will ensure proper upbringing'.
Overall, quite a simplistic essay. As with some earlier essays (not only by you), the essay reads as a list of assertions rather than a convincing argument. For example, the idea that younger parents can remember stuff better than older parents doesn't really seem very convincing. Are you arguing that people should have children at the earliest possible age?
Grammatical accuracy is good, but the range is a little limited (e.g. no conditionals - which often happens in 'simplistic' essays, as everything is clear, without regard to different situations).
All the best,
David
Introduction - 'gravitated' is a little strange, but otherwise a nice intro.
First main paragraph - 'decisive position'? I think this paragraph lacks detail.
Second main paragraph - As above, I don't think the ideas are clearly explained.
Conclusion - You haven't explained how this 'will ensure proper upbringing'.
Overall, quite a simplistic essay. As with some earlier essays (not only by you), the essay reads as a list of assertions rather than a convincing argument. For example, the idea that younger parents can remember stuff better than older parents doesn't really seem very convincing. Are you arguing that people should have children at the earliest possible age?
Grammatical accuracy is good, but the range is a little limited (e.g. no conditionals - which often happens in 'simplistic' essays, as everything is clear, without regard to different situations).
All the best,
David