Please assess my essay - Melbourne Cup stops the nation and is not a male- dominated race anymore. Do you agree or disagree? Cc to David

[sujithbilla]

Melbourne Cup is the one and only race that stops the Australian nation. It happens in the first week of November every year. It is an international horse racing event. Jockeys and Horses from around the globe come to the world's most liveable city, Melbourne. A female jockey called Michelle Payne, made history in Australia, by winning the horse race in 2015. Before her, no female won the Melbourne Cup.

Melbourne Cup Carnival has all the reasons for the Australians, to stop what they are doing and watch the horse races. The families, racegoers, race enthusiasts, visitors, and the punters love it. The first week of November in Melbourne is called the cup week. The Tuesday in that week is called the cup day. The Cup day is a public holiday. That is when the biggest race usually happens at 3 pm. This race features jockeys and well-trained horses from different parts of the world. That is why this race is so popular among the racing community. The Melbourne Cup happens in the Flemington racecourse, in northern suburbs of Melbourne. At least 100,000 people are present on the Cup day at Flemington, and around 75,000 people are present on other important days during the Cup week.

Michelle Payne was the talk of the town in 2015 Melbourne Cup. The reason Michelle was the First Lady ever to win the title. She dreamt of this at the age of 7. She was not speechless after the victory. She prepared her victory speech many days before the Cup week.  Michelle said that she was very happy to win in a male-dominated racing event. She added that no one should take ladies for granted. Michelle categorically mentioned that the horse racing is not about how strong you are. In other words, being smart is more important that being strong is what she believed.

In conclusion, Melbourne Cup stops the great Australian nation every year in November, and it only got better this year. A lady winning the Melbourne Cup could only mean more people will be interested in watching this in the years to come.

Conflicting modification on 22 November 2015 at 3:13:55 AM:

Melbourne Cup is the one and only race that stops the Australian nation. It happens in the first week of November every year. It is an international horse racing event. Jockeys and Horses from around the globe come to the world's most liveable city, Melbourne. A female jockey called Michelle Payne, made history in Australia, by winning the horse race in 2015. Before her, no female won the Melbourne Cup.

Melbourne Cup Carnival has all the reasons for the Australians, to stop what they are doing and watch the horse races. The families, racegoers, race enthusiasts, visitors, and the punters love it. The first week of November in Melbourne is called the cup week. The Tuesday in that week is called the cup day. The Cup day is a public holiday. That is when the biggest race usually happens at 3 pm. This race features jockeys and well-trained horses from different parts of the world. That is why this race is so popular among the racing community. The Melbourne Cup happens in the Flemington racecourse, in northern suburbs of Melbourne. At least 100,000 people are present on the Cup day at Flemington, and around 75,000 people are present on other important days during the Cup week.

Michelle Payne was the talk of the town in 2015 Melbourne Cup. The reason Michelle was the First Lady ever to win the title. She dreamt of this at the age of 7. She was not speechless after the victory. She prepared her victory speech many days before the Cup week.  Michelle said that she was very happy to win in a male-dominated racing event. She added that no one should take ladies for granted. Michelle categorically mentioned that the horse racing is not about how strong you are. In other words, being smart is more important that being strong is what she believed.

In conclusion, Melbourne Cup stops the great Australian nation every year in November, and it only got better this year. Michelle's victory shall open doors to unique possibilities and dialogues between different groups inside the international racing fraternity.




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[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hi!
I like this unusual essay! I think you focused too much on the popularity of the event and not enough on the fact that a female jockey won and the implications for horse racing and possibly other sports.
Good effort!
David