please assess my ielts writing task 1

[fasah]

The graphs above give information about computer ownership as a percentage of the population between 2002 and 2010, and by level of education for the years 2002 and 2010.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Write at least 150 words.

The given bar graphs provide data of computer ownership among population, both individually and in relation to different educational levels. The information is expressed in the form of percentages and it ranges from the year 2002 to 2010. It can be seen clearly that the number of computer owners have increased considerably during this period.
According to the first graph, a significant portion of population, almost 57% owned computers in the year 2002. This figure continued to grow gradually for the next six years, hitting 70% in 2008. The increase in percentage is little after 2008, reaching upto 78% in 2010.
The second piece of information then adds valueable context to the details above, by dividing the figures among five consecutive levels of education. In 2002, 15% of people without high school diploma had computers.Moreover, moderate number of computer owners were found among high school and college students, precisely 38% and 55% respectively. Whereas, the figures were average for other categories, the highest number of computer owners, 75% and 80% were those with bachelors and post graduate qualification.
However, in 2010, the computer owners without high school diploma had grown from 15% to 40% markedly. Furthermore, it can be observed that with rise in the levels of education the values swelled spiking upto 90% for bachelors and 95% for post graduate students.
To conclude, there is a general rise in the number of computer owners from 2002 to 2010. To add to this, over the given time period computer awareness has raised relatively among the lower strata of education. This is important to compare with higher levels of education, that is bachelors and post graduate studies, where the difference in growth is only 15% between two years.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hi Fasah,
We need the diagram for this one.
David

[fasah]

ielts-computer-ownership-graph-21783897.jpg (16.48 KiB) Viewed 677 times

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hi Fasah,
Good report! There are just a few mistakes that I'd like to point out.
1. The chart doesn't show the NUMBER of people with computers - it shows the percentage of people who have them.
2. The second piece of information - The second chart
3. with bachelors - with bachelors degrees
4. the computer owners without high school diploma - the PERCENTAGE of ...
5. the values swelled spiking - the percentages increased
Well done!
David