Please kindly help assess writing task 2 for general Ielts

[michaelsu2016]

Writing Task 2 (an essay)

Some people think that children should receive formal training at school on how to be good parents in the future. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?
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These days, there is much controversy about whether school should provide the training course of good parenting to children. While some advocate this view, I cannot agree with the following reasons.

To begin, it is a waste of time and effort to have children educated in classrooms on how to become good parents. It is generally believed that children are, by nature, immature emotionally, so they are simply too yough to understand full what it means to be good parents. Therefore, opening such course at school actually wastes our precious teaching resources, which can be used in other subjects that best suite for the mental development of children in general. Furthermore, there are better things to learn as children at school, such as, math, language, history and so on. Those courses play an essential role in the foundation of education, which is far more important than the parental training, because children will use the knowledge they acquired in those valuable courses to gain better academic performance in their further studies.

Granted, it is understandable for some people, especially parents, who would like to have children receive formal training on being good parents. I guess this may be primarily because those parents hope their children to understand the difficulties and challenges of being good parents. Despite this, a closer examination would reveal that children are best taught by examples, and the good behaviors from parents are the most valuable resources for this matter, for children normally imitate what their parents do o a daily basis. This would be more effective than the monotonous course teaching parenting. In my own experience, this is a good example of how this works for many parents in my country.

In conclusion, setting up a formal course on how to be a good parent is kind of wasting our limited teaching resources, which could be used for other subjects that are suitable for children's further development. Having said that, children can learn best from their parents' examples on this matter.
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Thank you very much. I appreciate your help. This time I just finished this essay in 39 mins by following your suggestions.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hi Michael,
Generally, I think this is a good essay. Just a few points ...
1. I cannot agree FOR the following reasons
2. It is generally believed that children are immature - Maybe, but is that correct?
3. Why is academic study more important?
Grammar is good (range and accuracy) and vocab is good too.
All the best,
David