kindly assess my task 2

Post your Task 1 or 2 response and/or read the responses of other students and provide feedback.
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musaab_taha
Posts: 9
Joined: Mon Nov 30, 2015 2:18 pm

kindly assess my task 2

Post by musaab_taha »

Most of the modern societies adopt the concept of the community service . Altough , a good
thing when it is optonal it is not a good practise when it is compulsory especially for
high school students .

We must acknowledge that community service will benefit the high school students , Making
them feel responsible towords their own community and this in it turn prepare them to the
real life roles , so they will not struggle much at the begining of their careers , Also ,
unpaid community service teach them a wide range of virtues , among of these the quality
of not only to take , but also to give back .

The most honest deeds comes from the person own will to do this specific thing for his own
reasons . So , compulsory work sometimes kills the one spirt and make him feel like a slave .
Also , the individual that is asked to do this compulsory work may be busy especially the
high school student their time may be occupied by more important activities so it is better
to make them decide whether to do this work and when to do it .

The high school period is full of many new subjects to the students . So , even if the
student did the compulsory work he might be unable to concentrate on his own stduies whhich
is more important . Also , compulsory work may leed some students to hate the school , which
mean that complusory work and high school boh didin't play their roles efficiently .

In conclusion , unpaid compulsory work in high school is not encourged , it may help the
community at the same time it would be outragous on the individuals .
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David.IELTS.Examiner
IELTS Examiner
IELTS Examiner
Posts: 1371
Joined: Tue May 05, 2015 4:34 am

Re: kindly assess my task 2

Post by David.IELTS.Examiner »

Hello!

First main paragraph - Your main point is an assumption. You assume that ALL young people will benefit like this. Also the point could have a concrete example to make it clearer.

Second main paragraph - The first sentence is unclear. What about criminals?

Third main paragraph - Be careful with spelling - lead, studies, compulsory, which, both

Conclusion - outrageous?!

Overall, quite good, but some points are unclear and there are a few problems with vocab/spelling.
All the best,
David
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