Library vs online information. Please assess and comments on my writing. Thanks!

[plin0627]

As students have easy access to online information these days, libraries are no longer needed. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The availability of the Internet and its convenient accessibility to online information allow today’s students obtain information freely. Such phenomenon has led to a saying that libraries are not required anymore. However, in my opinion, library has its place in students’ life by providing a supportive environment as well as greater facilities other than information.

On one hand, libraries have been existing in our life for centuries where students enjoy and concentrate on studies under quiet environment. Unlike solely obtaining online information at home where students might encounter nuisance or disturbance, the existence of libraries give them a quiet and calming environment. Besides, many students also prefer to work on their assignments in library due to its environment. It is therefore possible for these students to achieve better academic performances rather than just relying on information from the Internet.

On the other hand, there are more facilities available in libraries other than providing information to students. It is a place for them to gather and exchange ideas and opinions with peers. Take discussion room in library as an illustration, many students in universities chose to discuss group assignments and projects in discussion rooms that not just allow them to exchange ideas, but also gaining online information instantly from computers and the Internet provided. This is a method which helps students to improve their knowledge and skills effectively.

In conclusion, libraries cannot be replaced by online information as it serves more than just a piece of information. It is a place that affects one’s skills and academic performance through its supportive environment and amenities.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hi Plin!
I like this essay! I think that you have made some very good points and used a wide variety of vocabulary and grammatical structures with few mistakes that do not interfere with meaning.
I think that you could develop some points a little more, perhaps by being more specific. Alternatively - or additionally - you could point out that the internet can be used in libraries, thus combining the advantages of both!
All the best,
David

[plin0627]

Hi David, i'm really happy that you finally say yes to my essay! i know that i didn't specific enough as when i wrote it, i felt something is missing and wrong. i will keep in mind on this and write better essay. What band score do you think i'm getting now?
Thanks for your effort in supporting us!

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

I'm glad when I can post some good news! Well done on progressing nicely with your learning - other students can learn from your experience! Very often, students are unclear with their ideas/thinking, so that's what I try to focus on, before looking in more detail at grammar.
Keep posting essays to make sure that you keep up with your new skills!
All the best,
David