Please kindly access my task2-Fast food VS Traditional food

[jennylfm]

Fast food will become increasingly prevalent and eventually replace traditional food and traditional methods of food preparation. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this notion?

At present, fast food is becoming more and more popular for the people, especially for the young generation from the developed countries. Therefore, it is believed by some that traditional food and traditional ways of food processing will be replaced by it. As far as i am concerned, I disagree with this idea.

On the one hand, traditional cuisine is very healthy to our body. It is because that traditional food pays attention to the balanced diet, which is considered considerably good to our overall wellbeing. For instance, It uses plenty of different vegetables and fruits as materials for cooking, these vegetables and fruits are in rich vitamins and can provide good nutritions to our body, which are beneficial to our health. However, fast food contains much sugar and fat. Excessive consumption of fast food can cause a number of serious health problems including obesity and diabetes. It is believed by many authorial healthy reports that fast food has an strong and close association with these critical problems. Therefore, although fast food is becoming prevalent, it cannot replace the position of traditional food in terms of people’s overall health.

On the other hand, traditional approaches of food processing, it can keep the food fresh. Thus, the taste of food which is cooked by conventional means is very delicious and its colour looks attractive and appetitive. For the fast food, in order to preserve its flavour or enhance its taste and appearance, it commonly makes use of plenty of chemicals such as additives during the preparation of food. These chemical materials are considered very harmful to our body and affects our health seriously. After analysing this, it is clear that traditional ways of preparing food has its own unique merits which cannot be replaced by fast food.

In conclusion, traditional food is to focus on the healthy diet, meanwhile traditional ways of food preparation is beneficial to keep the freshness of food. Although fast food seems becoming more acceptable currently, it cannot replace the traditional cuisine and traditional ways to cook the food in the long term.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

Introduction - Very good.

First main paragraph - Very good.

Second main paragraph - 'On the other hand' is incorrect, like in your last essay about libraries. I think that you need to extend the example of additives. In modern countries, additives are extensively tested before being used in food.

Conclusion - Very good.

Overall, a very good essay of the same standard as your one about libraries.
Well done!
David

[jennylfm]

Hi David,

Merry Christmas, and happy holidays!

I am so happy to receive your "yes" for my writing:) without your generous help, I cannot make progress. Thanks so much.

Actually, I feel confused about the linker word" Additionally, furthermore", "firstly, secondly" and on the one hand and on the other hand. Especially for the first two group. I am not totally sure how to use them properly. I indeed did read some articles about the usage of them, but i am still not clear. Will you please give one example about how to use them correctly and in what situation?

Thanks in advance..

Thanks,
Jenny

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hi Jenny!

It's not too difficult ...

1. Use in addition, furthermore, firstly, etc., when you are providing another argument that supports the same opinion as the first.

There are two main reasons why I support this view. Firstly, ... In addition ...

2. Use on the other hand, however, etc., when you are introducing the opposing argument.

Many people support this view because ... On the other hand, some people oppose it, ...

Hope that clears things up a little!
David

[jennylfm]

Hi David,

Thanks so much. It helps to clear my mind. Now i think i will not make mistakes.

Simple and easy to understand. Thanks for your clarification.

Thanks for your help.

Thanks,
Jenny