PLEASE KINDLY ASSESS MY WRITING TASK 2 - SURVEILLANCE DEVICES

[hollanda]

Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cellphone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Owning to advanced technology, governments, the police and many privately owned companies can use various surveillance devices to monitor their citizens. While I accept that these devices are beneficial in some ways, I believe that these benefits are outweighed by the drawbacks.

On the one hand, monitoring devices offer societies and individuals a range of advantages. Firstly, on a family lever, cellphone tracking and security cameras in households can enable parents to take a better care for their children. For example, when working parents are at their office, thanks to access to cameras at home, they can know exactly what their children are doing and watching, which allows them to detect and prevent in time any potentially harmful activities and behavior. On a society lever, security cameras in public areas can raise citizens’ responsibilities and self-consciousness. For instant, due to the apprehension of getting caught or fined, people will have to try hard to behave properly such as dumping rubbish in trash bins instead of just throwing it away. Also, criminals may be reluctant before committing crimes. In addition, the use of camera can support the police to quickly identify the perpetrators.

Despite these above arguments, I am convinced that the increasing use of surveillance devices brings about more disadvantages than advantages. The most obvious one is that it goes against the value of a fair and free society. Because of this development, many individuals might feel uncomfortable and unwilling to express their own opinions with the feeling of being invaded the privacy. In addition, when governments invest a great deal of money to install these devices in public areas, the remaining budgets for other key fields will be shrunk, which is disadvantageous for societies as a whole. Furthermore, privately owned companies may use videos or personal information of their customers for their own financial gain without customers’ approval, which breaches humans’ rights.

In conclusion, it seems to me that the potential disadvantages of the growing use of monitoring equipment are more significant than the possible advantages.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello Hollanda,

1. on a family LEVEL
2. How do working parents monitor their children? I consider myself fairly well-informed about tech stuff and have never heard of this being used.
3. The security camera argument is unproven. Crime persists in areas with cameras. Cameras are rarely used to identify criminals - wear a mask!
4. Security cameras do not usually record sound, so expressing an opinion is not an issue. Why is it a disadvantage? Why does it breach human rights?

Overall, points are not explained/developed. Many points are simply untrue.
All the best,
David