PLEASE KINDLY ASSESS MY WRITING TASK 2 - GENDER EQUALITY AT WORK

[hollanda]

Women and men are commonly seen as having different strengths and weaknesses. Is it right to exclude males or females from certain professions because of their gender?

It is argued that due to the obvious distinction about mental and physical attributes, males and females sometimes cannot be qualified enough to take several careers, thus should not be given permission for a certain numbers of professions. In my opinion, I completely disagree with this notion.

First of all, men and women should be employed according to their abilities, qualifications and experience. This will contribute to a much more competitive labour market, which will motivate every job seeker to work harder in order to pursue their dreaming career. If a profession is restricted to just one sex, the other sex might feel frustrated and demotivated because their opportunities are stolen by an absurd reason. Furthermore, it is also wrong to discriminate against candidates because of their gender. The reason is that we humankind are aiming at a fair and free society, therefore it would be more civilized to give all applicants the right to compete freely for the potential job position.

Second of all, I believe that having both sexes in an office will result in many benefits. The most evident one is that different genders bring about different perspectives and approaches. As a result, they can collaborate together to improve the productivity and efficiency. For example, female teachers are commonly prevalent in primary school because of their patience, understanding of young students and also leniency. However, male teachers would be more willing to strictly punish disruptive and stubborn students than their female counterparts. In addition, it is widely acceptable that a mixed gender working environment is more preferable and appealing to workers. If there were only women or men in one office, employees would be likely to feel really boring and less excited.

In conclusion, although men and women are characteristic in their strengths and weaknesses, I am convinced that they should be given the same opportunities to thrive for every occupation but not be excluded from any.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello again, Hollanda!

Overall, a good essay, but try to explain (develop) your ideas rather than jumping from point to point. For example, why is a mixed gender work environment better? Why should people aim for a fair society? Why is there improved productivity?

All the best,
David

[hollanda]

Hi David,

Thank you so much for your reply. I was so devastated with my recent essays, so for this one I spent hours to write and rewrite. But it seems like I should rewrite it one more time since my explanation is still weak and superficial.
Again, thank you for your great help.

Regards,
Hollanda