Please kindly asses my task 2 writing - aiming for 6

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rinriera
Posts: 9
Joined: Wed Dec 23, 2015 8:56 am

Please kindly asses my task 2 writing - aiming for 6

Post by rinriera »

Some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activities that improve the mind, such as reading and doing word puzzles. Other people feel that it is important to rest the mind during leisure time. Discuss advantages and disadvantages of both views.

Human tends to spend their leisure time for sleep or other relaxing activities. However, some people choose to improve their brain even in leisure time. There are advantages and disadvantages for both activities.

Worker and student usually choose to relax and rest their mind during holiday. They have worked hard on weekdays and seriously need to rest both their mind and their body. By relaxing in weekend, they can replenish more stamina to work next week. It may sounds good, but too much relax can lead people to be lazy. There is a high possibility that they develop bad habit such as lying in bed all day and do not want to move a finch. To the worst possible case, they may get introverted and anti-social.

On the other hand, people who choose to work out their brain is usually the one that have stable amount of leisure time everyday. The brain is already relaxed, thus they search for challenging activities. By reading and doing puzzles, they help their brain to gain more knowledge. World puzzles actually claimed to prevent old people from being forgetful. However, brain sometimes memorizes the question that has not been answered, making people concerned about it while doing their work. Then, people can not focus on work but on games.

To conclude, humankind need to know their own brain condition. It is best not to force yourself. When you feel tired, take a rest as much as you need. When you feel good, take up a challenge and improve your mind.

(256 words)
David.IELTS.Examiner
IELTS Examiner
IELTS Examiner
Posts: 1371
Joined: Tue May 05, 2015 4:34 am

Re: Please kindly asses my task 2 writing - aiming for 6

Post by David.IELTS.Examiner »

Hello!

A few grammar/vocab points ...

1. Humans tend ...
2. improve their minds
3. WorkerS and studentS
4. By relaxing AT the weekend
5. It may sound good
6. too much relaxation
7. they will develop bad habitS
8. In the worst possible case
9. who choose to give their brains/minds a work out
10. Word puzzles actually prevent
11. To conclude, people

Overall, a good essay. Some basic mistakes, but meaning is generally clear.
Well done!
David
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