Please assess my writing task2-international tourism

[jennylfm]

In some countries, people believe that international tourism is a bad thing for their countries/ what are the reasons for this? how to change their views ?

Currently, international tourism is considerably prevalent in all parts of the world. However, not surprisingly, some argue that international traveling has enormous negative impacts on their countries. There are some main factors contributing to this notions in terms of environmental damage and cultural erosion. Meanwhile, many actions can be carried out to alter their perspective about that.

To begin with, there are two main reasons why some believe that international tourism is detrimental to their countries. Firstly, the damage of the local environment is the key for this phenomenon. With the growth of international traveling, it will bring about a huge burden on the environment. Take Indonesia for example, as to cater for rising international travellers, local communities organise a variety of attractive activities as hiking to visit wild forest.There is no doubt that it will affect the local habitat seriously. Moreover, cultural erosion is the other vital cause for this. With the increase of international travellers, it is felt by some that their local culture and traditions will be eroded by the invasion of foreign culture.

Clearly, actions need to be taken to alter people’s viewport of international tourism. One possible approach is to get people educated about the benefits of international tourism. For instance, the government can take advantage of media platforms as television and internet to advertise its advantages. However, this method is very time-consuming. The other effective way is to encourage local residents to get involved with international tourism such as offering services to international travellers. By doing so, people can feel even touch its positive influences on their daily lives.Consequently, their concepts will be changed gradually and naturally.

In conclusion, changing people’s view of international tourism is not easy. However, there is no excuses not to take action. Getting people involved and educating them will be beneficial to address this problem. It is believed that with the development of international tourism, people’s attitudes to it will be changed in the future.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hi Jenny!

First main paragraph - The role of tourism in these matters, compared to other factors, is unclear. For example, is the cultural erosion you mention due to tourists or to development in general?

Second main paragraph - The solutions you suggest do not relate to what you mentioned previously.

Overall, a reasonable essay, but weak on arguments and coherence (i.e. the relationship between ideas).

All the best,
David

[jennylfm]

Hello David,

Thanks for your feedbacks which REALLY help. Yes, you are right. I made a huge mistake. Solutions are not linked with causes, which makes my writing very weak. And For main paragraph 1, I did not explain them very clearly.

I will pay much attention to this during my following practice. Thanks for driving my hard to improve my writing.

Thanks,
Jenny