Please assess my writing

[drbaseer]

The threat of nuclear weapons maintains world peace. Nuclear power provides cheap and clean energy.
The benefits of nuclear technology far outweigh the disadvantages.
Do you agree or disagree?

Probably the most worrying threat to the planet today is the introduction of nuclear weapons. Though there is a risk of destruction of the world with nuclear power but it also plays a crucial role in benefitting humans by providing inexpensive and enormous energy in various fields. In this essay I will discuss how benefits of Nuclear technology out weighs its disadvantages.

To begin with, nuclear technology has vital role in generating abundance amount of energy. This energy used in generation of huge amount of electricity which could be supplied to the whole country . For instance , the power plant in India supplies electricity not only to India but to neighboring countries such as Pakistan Nepal and Bangladesh. These countries depend on India for electricity which is only possible due to Nuclear elements such as uranium. Moreover, nuclear technology also used vastly in medical field in detecting various types of cancers and treating them spontaneously.. The radioactive rays of thorium or uranium in small amounts used in killing cancer cells. Furthermore, Nuclear power is also used as fuel in sending rockets to space station's as they leave minimal residue after burning out.This will cause less damage to the environment

On the other hand, nuclear technology also used for human destruction. The world still remember the atomic bombing on Nagasaki and Hiroshima in japan during the second world war . The people in japan are still paying the price today as their children are born with genetic abnormalities. Few developed nations owns a massive amount of nuclear technology in the form of nuclear weapons either to threaten their neighboring countries as a means of showing their power or to maintain peace in the world.

To sum up, it is evident that nuclear technology if used wisely for the sake of humanity, will give everlasting benefits. There are steps that the governments of all nations work together and explore more benefits of nuclear technology . In order to save this planet, this has to be taken as a priority.

[Cliff.IELTS.Examiner]

In analyzing your essay I will use the public band descriptors available in the IELTS website at
http://www.ielts.org/pdf/Writing%20Band ... sk%202.pdf
For task response, the question is well done. All parts of the prompt are answered. The drawbacks of nuclear are not covered quite as well as the advantages and some of the arguments are not entirely convincing.

These TR band criteria are the closest fit:
• addresses all parts of the task
• presents a clear position throughout the response
• presents, extends and supports main ideas, but there may be a tendency to over-generalise and/or supporting ideas may lack focus

Exmaples: will give everlasting benefits. Well, no. Uranium is a finite resource. And nuclear power is not used to send things into space. It is used to generate electricity to keep equipment running in space. Also, you don’t mention the main, and the most obvious problem with nuclear energy; the disposal of radioactive waste. So I can’t say that all aspects of the question are “sufficiently addressed”

For Coherence and cohesion, also good. The public and criteria that fits best are:
logically organises information and ideas; there is clear progression throughout
• uses a range of cohesive devices appropriately although there may be some under-/over-use
• presents a clear central topic within each paragraph


Lexical resources not so very good. There are quite a few imprecise words, and some problems with punctuation.

“in generating abundance amount of energy” you need an adjective here, not a noun, so this is a word formation error that also affects grammar. The correct phrase would be “an abundant amount of energy” You also fail to capitalise “Japan”. There are quite a few word formation errors.

In terms of grammar, good range of structures, but too many errors. The best fitting criteria are:

*uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms
* makes some errors in grammar and punctuation but they rarely reduce communication

There are many small grammar errors, but I will just point out a couple n the first paragraph:

Though there is a risk of destruction of the world with nuclear power but it also plays a crucial role in benefitting humans by providing inexpensive and enormous energy in various fields. In this essay I will discuss how benefits of Nuclear technology out weighs its disadvantages.

Here the use of “though” and “but” is redundant. Choose one or the other. “Benefits” is a countable noun, so needs an article “the”. “nuclear” should not have a capital letter.

If you match the band descriptors I quoted to the relevant bands you will see what band you would most likely have achieved for this essay.

[drbaseer]

Thank you so much ... that was fantastic explanation..