I have my ielts exam on 23 January.My aim is 7.5 band in writing.Kindly assess my writing.

[Dr.Khurram]

Financial education should be a mandatory component of the school program. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

It is obvious fact financial aspects are very significant part of daily life. Financial education not only help children in better understanding of financial system but also help them in realizing the importance of money. If they have appropriate knowledge of finance from that early stage of life, it will be beneficial for them lately, when they have to take their career making decisions.The real question is whether to start financial education as a part of school program or it can be postponed for later stage of life.

Like many courses which are taught in school, financial studies will also be prove beneficial for students in many ways.First of all they have adequate knowledge about how they can save their money, so it can be used in future for their higher education. Furthermore they are well familiar with terms such as inflation and deflation, which helps them to better understand the financial situation of not only their country but also different government owned institutions. For example, these days in newspaper there is finance news portion, which most of the people are unable to understand because they don't know the meaning of some common terms used in finance. So that's why basic knowledge of these terms is very vital.This theoretical and practical understanding of the subject also helps them when they will apply for education loan.

The other school of thought is that instead of teaching these advance terminologies at this basic level, it should be reserve for advance level, such as it will be taught to only those students, who intent to Pursue their career in business or finance. They also argue that financial education will be unnecessary burden not only for students but also for teaching institution because they have to hire someone who have sound knowledge of economics and commerce. For example few institutions in Pakistan such as allied school system had started such programs but they failed due to financial challenges and lack of support from government.

To sum up, financial education have both pros and cons but there are more advantages to support such programs then disadvantages.The main disadvantage is the additional price students have to pay to enroll in those institution which have these programs in their curriculum.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

Introduction - Very good!

First main paragraph - Very good!

Second main paragraph - Good, but I don't think that you have really developed the argument. Why do people 'have to' hire an expert? Which aspects of finance are you talking about?

Conclusion - Good, but what do you mean by 'additional price students have to pay'?

Overall, good, but a couple of key points are unclear, possibly due to weaknesses in vocabulary and grammar, and this would bring the score down a little.

All the best,
David