task 2

[Wayfarer]

Topic: In the past, sporting champions used to be motivated primarily by the desire to win a match or to break world records. These days they are more likely to be motivated by prize money and the opportunity to be famous.
What message does this send to young people and how does this attitude to sport affect sports themselves?

The changing nature of life has transformed the source of motivation for sportsmen. Unlike old days when sportspeople used to prioritize the victory in a competition or personal achievements over such things as prominence or a financial prize, today it is vice versa. Although people have no right to judge them as the performance they demonstrate is what really counts, there have been concerns regarding their negative influence on youth since they need to embody noble sportsmanship.

In fact, the factors inspiring our current sportsmen have to be taken into account. Provided that fame and money are their primary objectives, then children who often regard outstanding sportsmen as role models have a tendency to imitate their character. While there may be respectable traits that would be valuable for the youth, desire to be prominent and rich may encourage young people to build up a materialistic personality rather than spiritual. That is to say, they are very likely to favour luxury to our civilised principles and common sense. As a result, notoriety and reward will probably prevail in the mind-set of the next generations.

In addition to this, such aspirations of world-leading sportspeople may even dismiss the traditional values of sport. The ideals like cooperation, competition, friendship, modesty and respect to other participants are likely to fade. In UFC, for example, there has recently been a world tournament, in which two American fighters were berating, accusing and showing complete disrespect to one another in pursuit of drawing other peoples attention to themselves. This behaviour represented the absurdity and lack of dignity in many of todays sportsmen. If their attitude towards sport does not change, it will definitely deteriorate peoples view of sport.

Thus, it is crucially important to understand that popularity and monetary reward cannot be the uppermost aims of any respectable sportsman.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello again, Wayfarer!

Great to have you back! Let's see what you have cooked up for us!

Introduction - Good.

First main paragraph - A little difficult to understand. However, you raise a VERY interesting point about spirituality and materialism. Can we have both? Given that many religious people and organisations are wealthy, what does that mean? But I'm leaving the world of sport ... Is luxury the inevitable opposite of civilised principles and common sense? These are wonderful questions, but the overall meaning of the paragraph is unclear to me. Notoriety and reward? Why are these bad things? Very unclear.

Second main paragraph - I love the example of the UFC. However, how far does that represent sport as a whole? In Britain, we are lucky to have the wonderful athlete Mo Farah, well-known for his humility and model attitude. Why are the ideals of co-operation (e.g. between team-mates) and competition "likely to fade"? If money is involved, I cannot see competition actually declining!

Conclusion - I agree with your statement but you certainly have not demonstrated that it is true.

Overall, I'm afraid this essay is very weak. Vocabulary is frequently unclear and does not express a reasonable point of view.

All the best,
David