Hi, please give me some advice on the writing. Thanks.

[NewAgeEnglish]

Some people think that all university students should study whatever they like. Others believe that they should only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future, such as those related to science and technology. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

The purpose of the tertiary education remains indecisive even after several hundreds of years of modern university history. People are divided into conflicting sides over whether or not education should only focus on students’ employability. Although by teaching things like science or technology, carving students into employable workers is, without any doubt, an important role of education, I strongly believe that university should also be a place where people can pursuit knowledge freely. In this essay I will prove my point by analysing both sides.

Let’s look at the importance of the education in students’ professional development first. As a matter of fact most positions in job market today require applicants to have relevant educational qualification. In other words without an educated background it is practically hard for anybody to get a job. Also most of the university students are young adults. For them, education serves as a key to open up avenues for future employment. Under these circumstances, it is true that education is important for students’ future profession.

However, we should not ignore the reality that while most of them have the plan for their career in mind, there is a group of students who go to university to simply learn. They aim at acquiring knowledge, probably without any foreseeable use of it, studying for recreational purposes or as a hobby. For instance, among students over 45 years old, a great proportion of them most likely had already achieved their professional goals. They come back on campus just to emerge themselves in the knowledge they enjoy. Even some younger students might feel their eagerness to knowledge itself overweigh the need of finding a job. To accommodate these students is also, if not more fundamental, one of the undeniable purpose of university.

As stated above, a variety of requirements exists among students. Universities are created for serving them, so it is more beneficial to cater various students than put restrictions on the programs they offer.

Word count: 326

[Cliff.IELTS.Examiner]

This essay addresses the question but is a little weak in places. There are two sides to be discussed: one, that students should only be allowed to study practical subjects, and the other, that they should be able to study what they like. You discuss the benefits of both, but you don't really deal with the question of compulsion. You cover the arguments for the practical subject quite well, but the arguments for free study are a little weaker. You say what kind of people might want to study for personal reasons and universities should also meet their needs. It would help if you gave one or two examples of the kind of subjects that people might study purely for interest, subjects with not much practical value, like Art History, English Literature or Philosophy.

Coherence and cohesion is good. Information is arranged logically and there is a range of cohesive devices. Paragraph structure is good.

Lexical resources is good, but there are a couple of imprecisely used words, like "carving". While the meanign is cealr, the more usual word here is "shaped" or "formed". We don't usually "carve" people. Word formation is occasionally wrong "pursuit" knowledge rather than "pursue" knwlledge. This is either a grammar or a word formation edge. Put in the preposition "of" and "pursuit" is correct.

Grammar is good. You have a range of strucures, and quite a few correct sentences. Errors do occur, but do not impede meaning.

[NewAgeEnglish]

Thank you so much for your advice and work, Cliff.

'Carving people' sounds scary after you point it out. But it is one of my typical mistakes. When I cannot find the word I am after, I will just fill the space with any word.

Pursue and pursuit always confuse me. For some reason, I could only remember one of them at a time. Now I am sure I remember both, and pursue is a verb while pursuit is a noun.

Thank you again, really appreciated.

[Cliff.IELTS.Examiner]

If you're not sure of the exact meaning and usage of a word better to leave it out. If it's imprecise it can't help you, and may drag your band down.