hi, please check this essay

[Wayfarer]

Topic: The only way to reduce the amount of traffic in cities today is by reducing the need for people to travel from home for work, education or shopping. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Today one of the most stress-related concerns of townspeople has become traffic congestion. Not only it is a source of annoyance, but also it has a profound effect on environment since the carbon dioxide released from vehicles contributes to air pollution. Although no one denies it, there is a difference of opinion regarding what method has to be implemented to combat this problem. While there is a new emerging solution that suggests diminishing the necessity of citizens to commute to various destinations, I object to this idea as there should be alternative resolutions.

Those who argue for enabling people to carry out different tasks concerning education, employment or even shopping without actually travelling there typically make one argument. They believe that less a person is necessitated to commute to work or a shopping mall the less often cars are going to be employed which in turn will reduce the volume of traffic. It appears to be probable because today we are privileged to have online shopping, CAL programmes and many other internet applications to communicate and deal with people online. However, they obviously overlook the fact that people are likely to become complete couch potatoes as a result of sedentary lifestyle imposed upon them. In fact, it is difficult to imagine an individual leading an active life after spending most of his time at home.

By contrast, an alternative solution can be to place a stress on not how often people commute somewhere, but what means they apply while travelling. That is to say, provided that people switch from cars to bicycles, for example, it may make a huge difference. Adding to reduction in traffic levels, they would also benefit from riding a bike which is a healthy and rewarding activity. Another way forward would be to promote public transport by enhancing the quality of service. The primary reasons why some people do not travel by buses in many cities is their slowness and perhaps uncleanliness. As long as these deterrents are removed, people might change their minds about public transport. In brief, encouraging people to use either bicycles or public transportation is a solution which is likely to yield some results.

In summary, proposal to make people less obliged to travel to regular destinations appears to have negative repercussions on them. Therefore, it is suggested to promote alternative means of transport.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello again!

I am happy to say that I think that this is a very good essay! Points are clear and developed. Some vocabulary (stress, apply) is used incorrectly and there are some grammar mistakes, but a good range is used and meaning is clear.

Well done!
David

[Wayfarer]

Hi David!
Thank you! It seems that as long as I have clear points prior to writing I can easily develop them during 40 mins. Would you give this essay something above 7? If not, please I am looking for your suggestions!