Task2-cause- the among of crime is increasing- David can you help me to check it too? thank you so much

[rairaichan0115]

In many countries, the amount of crime is increasing. What do you think are the main causes of crime? How can we deal with those causes?

In this age of change, the human society has progressing rapidly in various fronts. Yet, at the same time, many problems have arisen, a serious one of them is that there are tendency of increasing offence among the world. This issue has drawn a widespread attention. This essay will examine the causes and solutions of this sever matter.

Chief among the causes of this problem is the modern lifestyle. In the contemporary society, both parents have to work harder than the previous generation to support their families. Hence, they do not have sufficient time to nurse their children along with even do not notice their children may have ill-disciplined behavior. Consequently, it is one of the reasons why the amount of young delinquents is swelling. It also causes the number of criminal acts is expanding. Another contributing factor is unsatisfactory feeling among their communities. For instance, now many citizens in Hong Kong are unhappy with the current government. Therefore, they have attempted to do some illicit acts to draw public awareness. This makes it clear that it made a contribution to the crimes’ record.

In order to solve this difficulty, I believe that we must first address its root causes. Perhaps the most effective method of doing this would be for the state to provide financial incentives for the family who are willing to stay at home to take care of their offspring. Admittedly, such subsidies may not sufficiency enough, but at least it can rather release their financial burden. On further measure would be for the government to seek different methods to try to communicate, listen to and respond to their dwellers’ requirements. It is a great chance to let their inhabitants express their dissatisfaction. In addition, it can diminish the rate of crime too.

By way of conclusion, I believe that this is clearly a problem of such complexity that no solution is likely in the short time. However, I contend that the measures outlined above could constitute a good first step. Also, I hope the government will take my solutions into serious consideration.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

Overall, quite good, but the points are not always completely clear, especially the solutions. What exactly needs to be done differently? If the government pays parents, where does the money come from?

All the best,
David