I have my ielts on 23 January.My aim is 7.5.Kindly access my writing.

[Dr.Khurram]

Present a written argument or case to an educated reader with no specialist knowledge of the
following topic.
"Prevention is better than cure."
Out of a country's health budget, a large proportion should be diverted from treatment to
spending on health education and preventative measures.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Most of the diseases except few,who have genetic causes are preventable.This mean that, it is possible to
prevent those ailments just by adopting healthy life style and diet modifications.This is one of the
most vital reasons that Government,instead of spending millions on health sector,deviate these funds to disease prevention programs.

These days modern technological advancments made our life significantly comfortable compared to
past but it should not be forgotten that this sedentary life style have tremendous negative impacts
on our health.Take for instance, previously people used to travel on foot from one place to another which kept them healthy but now cars and trains are being used for this purpose.There are many similar examples to support this
argument.However despite this,it is solely government responsibility to start such programs which encourage
people to have healthy and active life style.A very good example of this is cycling tracks constructed by swedan road traffic control authorities.It not only made sure that cyclist safety
but also encouraged more people to ride bicycles instead of driving cars.As we know that cycling is very healthy excercise,that proved very fruitful.Similarly it is also responsibility of health department to organise seminars on health education.People should know that dreadful diseases like
diabetis, Hypertension and cerebrovascular diseases can easily be prevented just by adopting active and healthy life style.For instance multiple studies by Amercian cardiology association showed that incidence of coronary artery disease could be declined by daily 30 minute aerobic exsercise.In the final analysis this may be the best that government instead of spending wholly on disease managment,also promote disease prevention programs.

Few people contend,that these public awareness seminars and workshops are not very useful and just waste of funds.They say that instead of spending on these programs, funds should be diverted to construction of new hospitals especially in under developed countries,where major chunk of population lacks basic health care fascilities.

To conclude,Although there are both pros and cons of spending on these health education seminars but definitely advantages outweigh disadvantages.Furthermore government should pay close attention when organising such programs so funds are used in more efficient manner.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

Overall, a good essay, but I think that you need to develop the points more and more clearly. The high number of grammar mistakes meant that I had to read the essay twice to get the meaning. You focus on 'modern lifestyle' illnesses, but development of points regarding other health issues would be good.

All the best,
David