Please assess my writing

[drbaseer]

Some Experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language in primary school rather than secondary school.

Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?



Over the recent years, many schools are introducing foreign language as a subject to study from primary classes. Research shows this has a positive impact on the development of children. In this essay, I will discuss both the advantages and disadvantages of learning a foreign language during early years of childhood.

According to a recent study, it was found that a child who speaks multiple languages has faster brain development than children who speak a single language. It is a well-known fact that children’s learning ability is at the peak in their early childhood. Hence, it is a good idea to familiarize children with a foreign language in their primary classes. Moreover, bilingualism also improves communication skills of children, which facilitates them to easily mingle with other people.

On the contrary, now a day’s children are pre- loaded with too many subjects in their primary classes, learning another language would be an added burden on them. A recent survey found that second languages, if not spoken regularly, will be wiped out of memory. Therefore, children learning the language at a young age will forget the language if they do not keep practicing. In addition, learning the foreign language may deviate children from prioritizing importance of other subjects that are more important than learning a new language.

To conclude, despite the fact there are benefits of learning the foreign language at an early age, I believe unless a language is continuously practiced it will be just a waste of time. So introducing foreign language at an early age should not be encouraged.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

First main paragraph - Is the second sentence really true? Why don't we teach nuclear physics to kindergarten kids?

Second main paragraph - Is the first sentence really true, considering what you just wrote in the first paragraph? The second sentence is not exactly true. I rarely speak French but can remember quite a lot from school. Why are other subjects more important than learning a foreign language? You did say in paragraph 1 that it helps with communication.

Overall, I do not think that you have used language to clearly state your ideas and develop them into a coherent argument. Points are very unclear, particularly when you contradict yourself so often.

All the best,
David

[drbaseer]

Hi David ...Thank you so much for you for your precious feedback. Just have the question, I thought ideas doesn't matter whether it is correct or wrong until it is explained. I know I could not get proper ideas so I just selected random things...So my question is -- Is it really matters to have real facts or I can create anything I like ??

Thank you so much, your reply is much appreciated