Please assess my writing

[drbaseer]

Every year many languages die out. Some people think that this is not important because life will be easier if there are fewer languages in the world

To What extent do u agree or disagree?

Over the recent decade, many languages have been vanishing every year throughout the world as a result of not being spoken widely. People are of an opinion that many languages are not essential as it creates communication gap and misunderstanding among people whereas others believe languages are very crucial to keep culture values alive.

There has been a significantly large number of languages spoken throughout the world. A recent study shows ten languages die out completely every decade and nearly about hundred languages are endangered. To some extent, it is bad as several languages linked with the some enrich cultural background, so disregarding language results in losing cultural values. For example, it is a well-known fact that countries like India with vast diversity are enriched with innumerable cultures and has several languages spoken. According to a recent survey, in India, nearly about thousand languages were spoken throughout the country in the year 1970. This figure has dramatically reduced by 60 percent in 2000. There has been the disappearance of numerous cultures along with the languages.

However, encouraging too many languages leads to miscommunication and communication gap. For instance, many developing nations where people speak multiple languages have too much violence. Injustice and violence are prevalent in countries where many languages were spoken. This may be either because of lack of understanding of the language or being biased to a particular group of people who speak a similar language. Furthermore, it was found that many countries where people speak one common language are more peaceful and people have more patience and tolerance with one another.

To sum up, it is clearly evident that too many languages create excessive barriers among people. In order to understand people, there need to be fewer languages which consequently results in more unity.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

First main paragraph - You didn't explain the link between languages and the enrichment of cultural diversity.

Second main paragraph - I think that you'll find that if multi-linguistic countries have more violence, it's not because of the language. This might be connected to the cultural diversity!

Conclusion - Or just split up countries along linguistic lines?

Overall, an unclear argument. Try to be more specific (examples?) and ensure that meaning is clear.

All the best,
David

[monir301]

Dear David


Really you are a good examiner. In this task, you found some important cluses that will help to gain good marks.