'Traffic & Pollution" Examiners..please for your kind opinion

[hhossomi]

Increase the price of petrol is the best way to solve growing traffic pollution problems.
To what extent do you agree?
What other measures do you think might be effective?

The world’s largest cities are suffocating. The enormous numbers of cars on the streets today are the cause of many serious problems. Of these, traffic jams and different types of pollution are the source of a major concern for most of today’s governments. Making petrol more expensive, which was proposed as a solution for this, will have its pros and cons, and sadly, will not fix the problem completely.

It is logical to think that raising petrol prices will lessen the numbers of cars on the streets, but it will not affect all classes of people equally. A rich man will not be affected in the same way as a man who is struggling to keep a financial balance for his family. The nation’s lower income class will be hit hard by such a decision, and it will have a profound effect on its people’s budgets. Furthermore, such a rise will backfire on other fields. Taxi drivers will raise their fares and Companies like Uber and Lyft and other delivery companies will follow the lead. Consequently, every business depending on petrol will be negatively affected, which will have some major setbacks on the economy.

The core of any country’s transportation system is it’s public transportation sector. It should be assessed and renovated, if necessary, to give people a suitable alternative. It is never easy for one to substitute his car for the train, but it will be much easier to leave the car to take a clean, meticulous and safe train. Also, people should be encouraged to use other forms of transportation through publicity. This can be achieved through media campaigns on the television, the radio and on the internet. Media has a tremendous effect on people’s way of thinking, especially if it focuses on the health benefits of physical activity for the regular person.

Many nations nowadays recognize the problems that accompany increasing traffic and its hazardous effects on the environment. And for this to be solved properly, a wider approach should be adopted. Raising prices of petrol will partially solve the problem, but in the longer run focus should be on providing alternatives and spreading awareness.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

The first main paragraph has a major flaw in that using Uber or taxis won't really reduce the number of cars because cars are still being used, just not individually owned cars.

The second main paragraph is based on the assumption that advertising always works. So why don't governments simply solve all social problems through advertising?

Overall, strong on vocab and grammar but weak on ideas and coherence.

All the best,
David

[hhossomi]

Hmmmm. I thought that IELTS is not about your ideas, but more about the structure of the essay.
David..I cant thank you enough