Please rate my academic writing task 2

[Shah.Saleem]

Some experts believe that is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school.

Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Write between 250-300

I am in the agreement of the view that the students shall begin to learn a foreign language from their elementary schooling, rather than to wait till the start of secondary school. Due to the reason, that learning is better for children in the early ages and also the fact that students will have better chance to concentrate on their major subjects in secondary school.

Some people believe that early studies should focus on teaching native language to students and foreign should be left to be taught later on. This believe rely on the theory that the native language is more important for children to learn, however students can learn two languages at the same time with equal proficiency if trained appropriately. For example, I have been exposed to learning my native language (Urdu) side by side with a foreign language (English) since elementary school, and has not affected my proficiency in Urdu language at all.

Being taught a secondary language since early schooling would actually benefit the students as it will make it easy for them to learn it, also it will buy them time to concentrate better on there majors, in later years of school. As various studies suggest that humans learn better in their early ages. Therefore, it will be less stressful for students to learn a foreign language earlier than learning when they are in their teens. Furthermore, getting done with learning a secondary language beforehand will help students dedicate themselves better to their main courses, which will lead to them being more prepared for high school education. For instance, as I had learnt the basic English Language in primary school, I was able to pass my English exams more easily in secondary school. Thus, resulting in having more time to study my major courses, such as Mathematics and Computer Science.

In conclusion, I would like to mention that in my opinion that benefits of having foreign language taught in primary school outweigh its drawbacks in many ways. By doing so, the students can have better learning of the language, as well as have better chance to study there technical courses more effectively.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

Very good on why learning should begin at primary school, but you might develop the secondary school arguments - or at least refute them clearly.

Well done!

David

[monir301]

Really fine .

I have learned many things from this task, especially the agreement part.

[FastTrackIELTS]

Hi Shah,

Please find below some feedback to your assignment. We hope this is of use to you.

Good luck with your IELTS exam!

Task Achievement
This essay makes some fantastic arguments in favour of learning another language. The submission however would lose marks by straying away from the requirements of the question. The question asks you to compare the advantages to the disadvantages. To gain a higher band score, you would need to address this throughout the assignment. While you make a good case for the benefits of learning a language, you do not state whether these OUTWEIGH the negatives. You might say “While it is true learning a language might distract a student from their studies, it could increase their communication skills which would result in an overall improvement of the student’s opportunities.”

Coherence and Cohesion
Each paragraph does a good job of presenting a clear topic and makes good arguments. The main suggestion for this task would be to offer examples of the negatives of learning a language early. You have excellent usage of ‘linking words’ such as “Furthermore…” and “In conclusion”..., however there are some faults in how your sentences are structured. For example, the sentence “As various studies suggest that humans learn better in their early ages.” is incomplete and is not connected to the point you are trying to make in the previous sentence.

Lexical Resource
You use an adequate range of words in your sentences with some complex words such as “proficiency” and show a great understanding of English spelling. Your score will increase if you avoid using informal language such as the use of brackets and “I would like to mention…”

Grammatical Range and Accuracy
You use both simple and complex sentence structures well. You would be able to gain more points by avoiding errors in grammar. The main cause of this is over-use of commas which often means too many ideas are put into each sentence. This sentence for example” since elementary school, and has not affected my proficiency in Urdu language at all…” does not require a comma before ‘and’ as it is all one point.

[Shah.Saleem]

Thank you very much David and Jordan (FastTrack IELTS)

Sent from my D2502 using Tapatalk

[FastTrackIELTS]

Our pleasure Shah!

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