PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE CHECK MY ESSAY It is important to me

[Odik]

Some people feel that the legal age at which people can marry should be at least 21. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In our modern life, the standard age for marriage is considerably changing due to the social reasons which some suggest as normal. However , the government should take charge of encouraging ordinary people to accept nationwide rules in terms of psychological and physical readiness for further family challenges .Although it is unacceptable to meddle with others businesses , I hold the view that there should be set up an minimum age for marriage in order to fulfill needs for young family.
It is also true that prohibiting individuals to live their lives as they want can be unwelcomed by majority due to some moral rights of every human. The prime disadvantage in terms of early marriage can mainly affect people , not government. So , there should not be any motives for disrupting privacy , which members of public prefer to determine overall age because of cultural values, set up in retrospect. Also, some acute family circumstances and seducement , for example, trigger people to build up new family earlier than ever .Having said that, for another group of people ,still it is seen as stupid decision to step to serious life, without any life experience ,which can lead to unhappy consequences.
This kind of community hold two factors as major causes for restricting people to accept science based proposals. Firstly, it is fact that nowadays there is a great deal of hormone deficiency and weak DNA in growing generation, being an arguing ground to prolong the average age for marriage. Secondly, comparing to the prior decades, majority of youth of 21 century are still sustaining superfluous lifestyle and performing immaturity. It is supported that they cannot hold the life pressure being unprepared for life bounders to encounter in their teen ages.
To sum up, I agree that the local council should carry about it`s citizens ` future life by engaging to marry at least at the age of 21 to guarantee healthy minded generation which can provide their country with far-reaching benefits.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

I'm afraid that you haven't really answered the question.

You might think that marriage should be illegal. An interesting opinion, but let's say it's not yours. The real questions then are a) who should you be able to marry and b) when. Is 18 the right age? 21? 30?

Some of the points you make are rather strange. Weak DNA?

All the best,
David