Could you pls check this out writing task -2

[monir301]

One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing.
Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?


It is certainly believe that a good health is blessing for us. Therefore, it helps to stay longer in the world. But high life expectancy has some drawbacks that sometimes people can’t match with these. In my opinion, living a certain period with good health is better than high life expectancy.

One the one hand, we have to pass our lives through some steps- childhood, education period, career, family and so on. Therefore, after passing those steps we need rests and also a certain age later we’ll be inactive. Along with, it may be difficult for us to live freshly. Another important point is that long life expectancy can motivate to stay in the same job position so long; however, this motivation has a negative trend that the young generation could not take the positions. For example- if the working period of employees is increased, then the fresher will get less opportunity to involve them these positions. In addition, despite modern technologies in medical sectors, it is quite impossible for everybody to live healthy or well. Some people have drawbacks – handicapped, affected by diseases, frustration and so on- that make them bored about their lives. So, high life expectancy may not be well suited with everybody.

On the other hand, some people have strong advocate for high life expectancy. They firmly believe that living long could contribute to the society, for example- doing research, creating employment, and so on. Moreover, an individual can enjoy the world more closely, if this person would live long. Experience comes from dedication to a particular work. So, there is a chance to become an expert. It appears for making any right decisions by the seniors than the juniors. However, in spite of having some opportunities to live long, some people cannot match with these facilities because of age.

In conclusion, healthy life may be ensured by the modern medical systems, but living high expectancy could create some disparity in the society.

[cescoyin]

Hello I'm new of the forum and despite I consider myself a beginner I'll try to be helpful as much as I can.

Reading your essay it seems to me that you missed partially the question since it is asking us, if the advantages are "more" literally than the disadvantages, related to people's life expectancy.

In my opinion, living a certain period with good health is better than high life expectancy

As it seems to me no comparisons are requested from the task between improved medical care and life increase expectancy, since the latter is a natural consequence of the former.

In the second paragraphs you are supporting the idea that long life expectancy have negative consequences, quoting two arguments:

Long life expectancy can motivate to stay in the same job position so long

and

Some people have drawbacks – handicapped, affected by diseases

; the first arguments seems to be less linked with the thesis than the last one.
Furthermore the introduction:

One the one hand, we have to pass our lives through some steps- childhood, education period, career, family and so on. Therefore, after passing those steps we need rests and also a certain age later we’ll be inactive. Along with, it may be difficult for us to live freshly

I don't understand what you are talking about.

At last third paragraph seems to me that is not following any logical pattern.

The overall quality appears rich in vocabulary, but there is not a clear thesis followed by a logical explanations of supporting ideas.
Hope to have been useful in some way

[monir301]

Thanks a lot. Really, I did not understand the topic. Can I ask your mail to submit my writing task -2 since my exam is really soon.

monir.hossen301@gmail.com