Task2-causes and solutions( natural resources)

[jennylfm]

Consumption of the world’s resources(such as oil, fresh water, etc) is increasing at a dangerous rate. What are these causes of the increased consumption? what can people do to reduce it?

Depletion of the world’s natural resources including oil and fresh water is rising at a dangerous speed, it is mainly because of the population boom around the world. This will be proved prior to the potential solutions to mitigate this trend.

To begin with, the increasing population around the world, especially in many developing countries from south Asia and Africa, is considered the most important cause for this phenomenon. With the population rising, the consumption for these natural resources would increase naturally. Take fresh water for example, it is the necessity for people to survive. With the increase of the people’s size, the consumption of fresh water would rise. Additionally, waste and people’s weak awareness of protection these sources accelerates the trend.

Clearly actions need to be taken to combat this problem. One thing is to adopt the birth control policy around the world as China does, particularly in developing countries, which is beneficial to reduce the increase of the overall population in the long run, as a consequence, the consumption of natural resources would be decreased dramatically. However, this method is time-consuming and may take few decades to get the desired results. The other potential approach is to enhance people’s awareness about the limitation of natural resources and educate them to take actions in their daily lives. For instance, shutting down their computers after usage, turning off the lamps when going out and recycling fresh water for several time. These actions seem trivial, but really matter for the reduction of consumption. Most importantly, they are more efficient.

In conclusion, the depletion of the world’s natural resources will continue to increase due to the rising population in the world in the future. However, there are no excuses to take any actions to mitigate the trend, particularly that the natural resources are limited. Birth control policy and enhancement of people’s sense would help to reduce the consumption dramatically.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello again!

Let's go with grammar/vocab first ...

1. cause OF
2. it is necessary for people
3. with the increase in population size
4. protection OF these REsources
5. adopt the same birth control

Now, let's look at the arguments ...

1. The average African consumes far fewer resources than the average European. That may change in the far future.
2. I'm sure that people living in areas with little water are fully aware that they have little water.
3. Limiting the number of children is a good idea, but it actually happens naturally when people get richer. Therefore, making poor countries wealthier might be a better plan.

Overall, a good essay, with good grammar and vocab. Ideas are basically good but may need further development and/or explanation.
Well done!
David

[jennylfm]

Hi David,

Thanks for your invaluable feedback and pointing out my grammar mistakes which are very useful for me.

Actually, recently days, i am struggling how to write the causes and solutions type topic.

Strategy 1:
introduction
Main paragraph 1: talk the causes
Main paragraph2: talk about the solutions
Conclusion

Strategy 2:
Introduction
Main paragraph1: one cause and solutions for it.
Main paragraph2: the other cause and solutions for it.

Seems, strategy1 is commonly used by students. But I really have no idea which method is better. Do you have any suggestions for this?

As you know I have posted a lot of my writing here, and Thanks for your time to read them and give my feedback. I need at least 7.5 for my writing. Will you please give me some suggestions about how to make it better if I want to get a high score.

Thanks for your generous help.

Thanks,
Jenny

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hi Jenny,
You are right that most candidates choose method 1, but I prefer method 2 mainly because the essay sstays connected rather than just a bundle of random ideas.
All the best,
David

[jennylfm]

Hi David,

I am confused for strategy2. I read some articles using this temple. But i found that they did not explain too much about the problem, just mention the problems, then most part of the paragraph is to analyse the solutions.

For me, I found that when i tried to explain much about the problems, then give solution, the paragraph is very long.

Can you shave some your suggestions for me about this part?

Thanks in advance.

Thanks,
Jenny

[Flick]

Consumption of the world’s resources (such as oil, fresh water, etc) is increasing at a dangerous rate. What are these causes of the increased consumption? what can people do to reduce it?

Depletion of the world’s natural resources including oil and fresh water is rising at a dangerous speed. This is mainly because of the population boom around the world. This will be proved prior to discussing potential solutions to mitigate this trend.

To begin with, the increasing population around the world, especially in many developing countries from South Asia and Africa, is considered the most important cause of this phenomenon. With the population rising, the demand for these natural resources is increasing. Take fresh water, for example. It is necessary for people to survive. With the increase in population size, the consumption of fresh water also rises. Additionally, waste and people’s poor awareness of protecting these resources accelerates the trend.

Clearly actions need to be taken to combat this problem. One method is to adopt China's birth control policy, particularly in developing countries, which will reduce the increase of the overall population in the long run and, as a consequence, the consumption of natural resources would be decreased dramatically. However, this method is time-consuming and may take a few decades to get the desired results. The other potential approach is to enhance people’s awareness about the limitation of natural resources and encourage them to take action in their daily lives. For instance, shutting down their computers after use, turning off the lamps when going out and recycling water. These actions seem trivial, but really matter for the reduction of consumption. Most importantly, they are more efficient. (<--More efficient than what?)

In conclusion, the depletion of the world’s natural resources will continue to increase due to the world's increasing population. However, there are several actions we can take to mitigate the trend, particularly with natural resources that are limited. Birth control policy and enhancement of people’s understanding would help to reduce the consumption dramatically.