Please hash out my essay

[abbasazarmehrput]

Some people think that teenage years are the happiest times of most people’s lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, in spite of greater responsibilities.

Discuss both these viewpoints and give your own opinion.

There has been a heated debate among sociologists and psychologists on which period of life brings more happiness. Although a group of people believe that adulthood is the happiest period of one’s life, others have a different say about this. Both these viewpoints will be analysed before a reasoned conclusion is drawn in this essay.

The most key advantage of teenage years is the lack of responsibility. For example, a brother of mine who aged 17 went to compulsory military service while he failed to gain a qualification from a university. He would probably get a well-paid part-time job, and he could taste his first financial independence without being held accountable. This makes it clear why teenage years could be the happiest period of one’s life.

On the other hand, the most positive point of adulthood is that adults are independent, and people can rely on them. For instance, I have been working for a refinery for more than 10 years. all my colleagues are heavily relied on me when they want to make a critical decision because I accept the consequences of my decisions. In addition to this, my family depend financially and emotionally on me . Not only do I spend quality time with my children, but I also assist my partner to achieve her dreams. This example clearly illustrates why adults enjoy themselves a lot.

To sum up, although teenage years have many plus points, I personally believe that adulthood is the most joyful period of one’s life. It is suggested that teenagers should be held accountable and included in family decisions to be familirised with the process of decision making.

[Evgenii Rodin]

I would do it in a different way; your own vewpoint could be given in the last paragraph, while the 2 opposite other people's opinions could be discussed - without referring to examples from your own experience - in the body-part paragraphs. It would make your discursive essay better.

[Flick]

Some people think that teenage years are the happiest times of most people’s lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, in spite of greater responsibilities.

Discuss both these viewpoints and give your own opinion.

There has been a heated debate among sociologists and psychologists on which period of life brings more happiness. Although one group of people believe that adulthood is the happiest period of one’s life, others have a different opinion. Both these viewpoints will be analysed before a reasoned conclusion is drawn in this essay.

The most key advantage of teenage years is the lack of responsibility. For example, a brother of mine who aged 17 went to compulsory military service while he failed to gain a qualification from a university.(<--Reword to: "For example, my 17 year old brother completed compulsory military service but did not gain a university qualification.") He would probably get a well-paid part-time job, and he could taste his first financial independence without being held accountable.(<--Reword to: "This meant he could get a well-paid part time job and gain some financial independence without too many difficulties.") This makes it clear why teenage years could be the happiest period of one’s life.

On the other hand, the most positive point of adulthood is that adults are independent, and people can rely on them. For instance, I have been working for a refinery for more than 10 years. All my colleagues heavily rely on me when they want to make a critical decision because I accept the consequences of my decisions. In addition to this, my family depend financially and emotionally on me. Not only do I spend quality time with my children, but I also assist my partner to achieve her dreams. This example clearly illustrates why adults enjoy themselves a lot.

To sum up, although teenage years have many advantages, I personally believe that adulthood is the most joyful period of one’s life. It is suggested that teenagers should be held accountable and included in family decisions to become familiar with the process of decision making.