please asses my essay. Academic task 2. Can I get a 7 with this?

[kakurine]

Many students decide to further their study abroad what are the benefits and drawbacks of studying abroad. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Globally competent people are enjoying more benefits than those who are not. Employers are now more careful of hiring their employees. It is in this light that continuing education on another country are done by some students in hopes that they would be gaining more from this experience. In this essay, the advantages and disadvantages of studying abroad would be discussed.

There are a lot of benefits of being an international student. First of all, it broadens one’s knowledge by helping a student be more globally competitive. It helps us not only on our course but also in learning the culture of people around us. Second, having a degree abroad provides more job opportunity both in the country you live in and also abroad. People who studied abroad tend to be hired more easily than the ones who studied in their own country. Lastly, there is also the possibility of migrating after you finish your studies. An extra benefit of studying abroad would be gaining new friends.

On the other hand, there are also some disadvantages to studying abroad like the expenses. The cost of living in another country can be quite expensive, especially if you came from a third world country, as we have to consider the rent, the food, and other miscellaneous. Language barrier is also a problem with some of the international students’ whose primary language is not English. It can be hard for them to catch up in class. Because of this, they sometimes feel removed from the people around them.

In conclusion, it is in this author’s opinion that the advantages of studying abroad far outweighs its disadvantages. Being globally competitive opens up a lot of opportunities for the student. Also, a problem is never without a solution, for example, learning English can be easily remedied by practising English.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

Basically, some good ideas, but they are not developed, only mentioned. Grammar is also limited, i.e. not enough complex structures.

Not band 7 but there is a good basis for a better essay there.

All the best,
David

[kakurine]

Hi David! Thank you very much for your assessment. Can you please tell me how I can develop them. Thanks in advance.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

So, for example, you say that students who have studied abroad are more likely to be hired. Why? Are there any specific areas of work where a foreign education is beneficial?

By developing your points like this, you will achieve a higher score.

All the best,
David