Please help me to improve my writing

[brijesh]

the Topic - The rising levels of congestion and air pollution found in most of the world cities can be attributed directly to the rapidly increasing number of private cars in use. In order to reverse this decline in the quality of life in cities, attempts must be made to encourage people to use their cars less and public transport more. Discuss possible ways to encourage the use of public transport.
To what extent do you agree with this statement?

Answer - Whether the issue of the environment contamination, mostly vehicles are responsible as result it leads air pollution and congestion for daily commuters. In that case some people believe use public transport rather than their own car. On other hand, other believe Government should improve transport.I will discuss on both point in following paragraph.

Frist of all, some people believe reduce number of car on daily basis decline congestion as well as air pollution. Some suggest use public transport instead of own car that will help people to get nap,they can read, enjoy quality time to watching people while commute in place of feeling the road rage.In contrast, Delhi NCR lunch even- add role that role allow cars on the road on even and odd dates that address car licence number ending .That role also improve environment condition as well as reduce carbon dioxide 50 %.

on other hand, some people refute this, they claim to government they should widen the road.People have to west their time to find public transport and enable reach on time.another reason they use their own car, they noticed rush in the public transport. they lose their freedom to go anywhere anytime.This kind of situation often notice in metro cities.

In conclusion, My first priority is environment in behalf of that i am agree with the statement.People should reduce use car and prefer public transport that will improve the quality of life.From my pint of view even public ready to use public transport, Government should launch extra buses,trains,taxi,s to avoid rush and time delay.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

Good points, but you need to develop them by explaining exactly WHY people believe these ideas and what the consequences (both advantages and disadvantages) are likely to be. Examples from around the world could be added.

Your first main paragraph is much better than the second, but still doesn't quite meet the criteria for a good paragraph.

All the best,
David

[brijesh]

Hi,

Devid,

Thank you for your comment.