David.IELTS.Examiner please assess this

[midokenawi]

Some people believe that visitors to other countries should follow local customs and behavior. Others disagree and think that the host country should welcome cultural differences.

In recent decades, tourism has been escalated globally. This has an obvious effect on both tourists and local citizens regarding both customs and traditions. Some argue that visitors should respect the visiting nation rules and culture while others believe that the opposite is more practical. The essay will discuss both views and a reasonable opinion will be illustrated.
On one hand, tourists ought to consider the local culture attitudes, clothes and behavior for many sound reasons. Firstly, they go there to enjoy the culture, historical areas and entertain in a new place. Thus, following the host country customs and rules will make their journey peace and calm without any struggling with local authorities. For instance, females in some Islamic countries must cover their body such as, in Saudi Arabia and Iran. Breaking down this rule will initiate hard times for visitors with local governors. Secondly, following the local culture in behavior and traditions will remove the walls between visitors and citizens. This will help the foreigners to know more about the culture and interesting areas to visit by friendly advices from the local people.
On the other hand, others oppose this way of thinking on a business basis. They claim that host government who are the one allows for the visitors to travel to its land and, definitely, it will profit from this. Take Egypt as an example, tourism has been proved to contribute for around 25% of the local income. As a result, citizens would accept tourism to come with their strange behavior and style of life.
Finally, I believe that visitors should be advised to know well about the country they are travelling to. That will make them friendlier to the local and guarantee a safe trip. In addition, locals can gain much knowledge about the other cultures if they welcome them to visit their nation and behave naturally.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

This is a very good essay. The points are clear and reasonable.

Vocabulary is very good, with just a few strange uses, e.g. illustrated (presented), initiate (create).

Be a little careful with grammar - there's quite a lot of 'will'. Are things so sure?

Well done,
David

[midokenawi]

thanks David, do you think i am very close to 7 in writing or still need more work

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

You need more work on grammar, in my opinion.
David

[midokenawi]

thanks David I try to do some grammar practice.