please give honest comment on areas of improvement

[krish8286]

Nowadays leisure industry products and modern gadgets are widely used by young people. The use of these products reduces the young generation’s creativity. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your own opinion.

In recent years, due to technological advancement and escalating prosperity, teenagers can afford lots of modern gizmos then their parents few decades ago. Although this development has few drawbacks , overall it cannot be considered as a disaster , and therefore the idea that these products hamper the creative thinking of youngsters cannot be supported .

On one hand, there are few negative aspects of excessive use of modernized widgets which could hamper innovative thinking. Firstly, as modern hi-tech devices are used more and more in education, and with vast resource of the Internet at their disposal, pupils prefer to copy others ideas instead of coming up with their own authentic views. For instance, a recent study showed that in America most non-native students resort to plagiarism or take membership of ghost-writing forums to finish their assignments. Furthermore, with high schools and elementary schools also allowing their students to relay on these tech devices this trend of plagiarism is expanding unstoppably. Thus, this illustration clearly debunks the idea that reliance on modernized gizmos promotes creativity.

On the other hand, there are several reasons to believe why modern tech devices promote innovation. For instance, during the recent earthquake in Nepal, when the telecommunication services were nonfunctional for days , few young software developers of Facebook came up with a new idea to alert people about the survivors using GPS tracking technology . As this kind of technology was used for first time in the world during any such catastrophe, it helped people to know about the whereabouts of their relatives and friends without relying on traditional forms of communications. Were the modern smart devices to have taken out of equation, this kind of information sharing would have been impossible. Therefore, this illustration makes clear how hi-tech devices promote innovation.

In conclusion, after analyzing the pros and cons of technologically advanced devices it is hard to believe that they restrict younger people from new creations and thus this viewpoint is not supported . It is hoped that in years to come more these widgets will encourage youngsters to come up with more creativity.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

In T2 we have to be very careful about the language we use. Once again, I have to point out that the use of definitive (extreme) language has marred what could have been a very good essay.

To borrow your word, the final sentence of the first main paragraph 'debunks' your second main paragraph. You take the example of SOME foreign students in the USA and extrapolate that to mean young people are incapable of creativity. Seriously?

Of course, YOU then point out that YOU are wrong in the next paragraph!

Also in paragraph 2, what catastrophe? Why do I need to know the location of my friends and relatives 24 hours a day? Why do I want to share that information with the world?

Overall, a weak essay which barely scratches the surface of whether tech helps young people become more creative.

All the best,
David

[Flick]

Nowadays leisure industry products and modern gadgets are widely used by young people. The use of these products reduces the young generation’s creativity. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your own opinion.

In recent years, due to technological advancements and escalating prosperity, teenagers can afford more modern gizmos then their parents a few decades ago. Although this development has a few drawbacks, overall it cannot be considered as a disaster, and therefore the idea that these products hamper the creative thinking of youngsters cannot be supported.

On one hand, there are a few negative aspects of excessive use of modernized widgets which could hamper innovative thinking. Firstly, as modern hi-tech devices are used more and more in education, and with the vast resource of the Internet at their disposal, pupils prefer to copy others ideas instead of coming up with their own authentic views. For instance, a recent study showed that in America most non-native students resort to plagiarism or take membership of ghost-writing forums to finish their assignments. Furthermore, with high schools and elementary schools also allowing their students to rely on these tech devices, this trend of plagiarism is expanding unstoppably. Thus, this illustration clearly debunks the idea that reliance on modernized gizmos promotes creativity.

On the other hand, there are several reasons to believe why modern tech devices promote innovation. For instance, during the recent earthquake in Nepal when the telecommunication services were nonfunctional for days, a few young software developers from Facebook came up with a new idea to alert people about the survivors using GPS tracking technology. As this kind of technology was used for first time in the world during any such catastrophe, it helped people to learn the whereabouts of their relatives and friends without relying on traditional forms of communications. Were the modern smart devices to have been taken out of the equation, this kind of information sharing would have been impossible. Therefore, this illustration makes clear how hi-tech devices promote innovation.

In conclusion, after analyzing the pros and cons of technologically advanced devices it is hard to believe that they restrict younger people from new creations and thus this viewpoint is not supported. It is hoped that in years to come more of these widgets will encourage youngsters to come up with more creativity.