PLEASE ASSESS MY WRITING

[maianh]

The four pie charts illustrate working patterns of British mothers, divided in the dependent age of the child. As an overall perspective, the older the children are, the less amount of time the mothers take total days off and the more amount of time the mothers attend part- and full-time jobs.

To commence with, most women choose not to work in order to take care of their children. In the first two years of the child, 70% of mothers take maternal leave. This figure then falls by 16% to 54% when the child is at least 3 years old and continues to drop to nearly 40% when the child is at the age of 5-9 years. 26% of mothers decide to be workless until their children are 10 years old.

Consequently, as the child grows up, more and more mothers apply part- and full-time jobs. Starting at virtually one-fifth of the total women, the number of mothers taking part-time work increases to 35% in the first three years of age of their children. After five years of the children's age, the proportion rises to 48% then decreases slightly by 3%. Finally, the number of cases that women taking full-time jobs is quite low. Remaining stable at 11% during their children's first 4 years, this figure only experiences an insignificant rise of 3%. However, the percentage shows a huge change to almost 30% when their children are 10 and older.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

Good overall, but the summary is incorrect, because the charts do not mention how many hours and days are involved. Quite easy to correct, though.

All the best,
David

[maianh]

Could you check this again?
Many thanks for your help.

[Ryan]

Hi maianh,

In future, please do not directly 'edit' the post after receiving feedback. Now that you have edited the original post, David's comments do not entirely apply, and other candidates cannot see the process you have gone through to put his feedback into action. Next time, please paste your edited work as a 'reply' to the thread. Thanks!

[maianh]

oh thank you
, I didn't know that.