Please assess my writing!

[niloo]

Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem.
To what extent do you agree with this statement?
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Children unhealthy lifestyle

Living in a world covered by technology, have widely changed human’s life. Today, people, either young or old, prefer to do things in their easier way, they use lifts rather than taking stairs, they drive to work, they prefer to eat fast foods, even children like to play computer games, not the old, active, happy games. This change have issued lots of challenges to parents and schools to find a way to change these unhealthy patterns. But the question is “Who is responsible for these unhealthy habits?”
Many people believe children are just doing things they see or they have been told to do at home. These days parents are busy working most of their time hence they don’t have much time to spend with their kids, taking them to a park or playing activate games. Many parents rather a nice, quiet and polite kid than a naughty one so they easily accustom their kids to computer games and smart phones. Also living in apartments with limited areas has affected children’s lifestyle.
Children spend most of their day at school, near their friends and teachers. Some people believe new teaching techniques using new gadgets in schools can cause a bad effect on children. They believe using these technologies make children become used to technology for doing every single thing in their lives. Also their reading and writing abilities can be abated by these new methods.
Technology and facing its abysmal affects have always been a challenging subject. Nowadays children are born in a word full of different gadgets and the point is to teach them how to handle its disadvantages and take the most out of it.

[mkhitaryan]

I am just a beginner in IELTS, but I think that you should make your sentences a little bit shorter. Sometimes it made me confused when I was reading the essay.

[niloo]

I am just a beginner in IELTS, but I think that you should make your sentences a little bit shorter. Sometimes it made me confused when I was reading the essay.

Dear
Thanks for replying, i try to

[Flick]

Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem.
To what extent do you agree with this statement?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Living in a world covered by technology has widely changed human life. Today, people, both young and old, prefer to do things the easy way. They use lifts rather than taking the stairs, they drive to work, they prefer to eat fast foods, even children prefer to play computer games, not the old, active, happy games. This change has caused lots of challenges for parents and schools to find a way to change these unhealthy patterns. But the question is, “Who is responsible for these unhealthy habits?”(<--This is incorrect. The question is, "Who is responsible for changing these unhealthy habits?")

Many people believe children are just doing the things they see or they have been told to do at home. These days, parents are busy working most of their time so they don’t have much time to spend with their kids, taking them to a park or playing active games. Many parents prefer a nice, quiet and polite kid rather than a naughty one, so they encourage their kids to play computer games and use smart phones. Also, living in apartments with limited areas has affected children’s lifestyles.

Children spend most of their day at school, near their friends and teachers. Some people believe new teaching techniques using new gadgets in schools can have a bad effect on children. They believe using these technologies make children become used to technology doing every single thing in their lives. Also, their reading and writing abilities can be impacted by these new methods.

Technology and its negative affects has always been a challenging subject. Nowadays children are born into a word full of different gadgets and the point is to teach them how to handle the disadvantages while making the most out of it.

[niloo]

Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem.
To what extent do you agree with this statement?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Living in a world covered by technology has widely changed human life. Today, people, both young and old, prefer to do things the easy way. They use lifts rather than taking the stairs, they drive to work, they prefer to eat fast foods, even children prefer to play computer games, not the old, active, happy games. This change has caused lots of challenges for parents and schools to find a way to change these unhealthy patterns. But the question is, “Who is responsible for these unhealthy habits?”(<--This is incorrect. The question is, "Who is responsible for changing these unhealthy habits?")

Many people believe children are just doing the things they see or they have been told to do at home. These days, parents are busy working most of their time so they don’t have much time to spend with their kids, taking them to a park or playing active games. Many parents prefer a nice, quiet and polite kid rather than a naughty one, so they encourage their kids to play computer games and use smart phones. Also, living in apartments with limited areas has affected children’s lifestyles.

Children spend most of their day at school, near their friends and teachers. Some people believe new teaching techniques using new gadgets in schools can have a bad effect on children. They believe using these technologies make children become used to technology doing every single thing in their lives. Also, their reading and writing abilities can be impacted by these new methods.

Technology and its negative affects has always been a challenging subject. Nowadays children are born into a word full of different gadgets and the point is to teach them how to handle the disadvantages while making the most out of it.

Dear Flick
Thanks for the correction. Very helpful.
Rgards