Please review my Task 2 for GT and rate.

[Eternal_SSS]

Advertising aimed at children is an issue which frequently generates a great deal of heated debate in many societies. While some parents think that advertising targeting children is dangerous, advertisers reject them.

Many parents support the view that today advertisements are used discriminately due to some reasons. One very convincing point against advertisement is that, glamorous and famous people, who are heroes in children's world, used in videos to persuade children that buying products will make them happier. Therefore, kids put pressure on parents to buy them things. Another common criticism of commercials could be that, they can easily influence children, since their brains are still fresh and clean.

On the other hand, advertisers believe this argument is incorrect owing to some reasons. First of all, they may point out that advertising is a form of modern art, so not only children but also matures enjoy adverts. Thus, using well-known people in advertisement absolutely legal and acceptable. Additionally, they can argue that by means of advertisements, all people are informed about variety of products. To say in other words, without advertising we would have less choice.

Taking everything into account I a inclient to believe that content of adverts should be controlled by authorities. What is more, unhealthy products should not be marketed in a way that attracts children.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

The main problem is that you have not developed the points. Why would we have less choice without advertising? Are children's brains really 'fresh and clean'? How can advertising be considered art?

All the best,
David

[Eternal_SSS]

Thank you very much for Your help, David.