Kindly assess my writing.My target is band 7.5 in writing section.

[Dr.Khurram]

Present a written argument or case to an educated reader with no specialist knowledge of the following topic:
News editors decide what to broadcast on television and what to print in newspapers. What factors do you think influence these decisions? Do we become used to bad news? Would it be better if more good news was reported?
Use your own ideas knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence.


In this 21st century, media is playing tremendous role in keeping people aware of different political and socioeconomic happenings going on throughout the globe. News editors and news castors are chiefly responsible for passing on this enormous amount of information to the masses. Some people argue that news channel usually portray the negative side of picture because people usually pay more attention to these type of news. While other contend that this is not the case. From my perspective, it is bitter reality that most of the news that get attention of people are the one that are related to bad incidents happening in society and definitely this trend needed to be changed.

First of all I strongly assent that media is playing vital role in shaping our thoughts about different debatable topics in our contemporary society. But it goes without saying that with passage of time, media has became more like a business. Therefore most of the news editors ponder on how to gain readers attention instead of how this news will affect the reader thought process. As it is quite evident from the study conducted by New York times in 1994 that most of the Television viewers and newspaper readers pay more close attention to the news based on violent events, therefore it is not wrong to say that these print media editors imprudently publish these bad news and sometime news based on anecdotal evidences. To sum up, I contend that unfortunately we as a society, become used to reading these negative and violent news and this behavior is badly afflicting us.


We should rectify our attitudes related to our choice of news, which will further force media editors to highlight the positive side of the society instead of only focusing on negative one, just for the sake of gaining ratings, and that should be done as soon as possible to get over these exigent circumstances. Take for instance, government should create institution, whose sole responsibility to keep check and balance on the quality of material published by these news agencies.

To conclude, I reckon that from aforementioned arguments, it is quite clear that although nowadays people become used to reading bad news but that doesn’t mean that it is impossible to rectify their behavior. If government make sure that good news are properly promoted than people attitude towards choice of news can be definitely changed.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

Overall, I do not think that the points are clearly connected to each other or explained. I think most of your points are good (and personally, I agree with you) but a) so what if the media is big business? b) how is the bad news affecting us? c) why is news based on anecdotal evidence good/bad? and d) since most governments already have a body to keep a check on the media, what do you want the new body to do exactly?

Grammar and vocabulary are good, but are not used effectively to create a good argument.

All the best,
David