Please assess.. Band score target 7.5... your reply on this is highly appreciated.

[nerieryanc]

Modern technology is now very common in most work places.
How do you think this has changed the way we work?
Do you think there are disadvantages to relying too much on technology?
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Presently, technology plays a crucial role in the lives of many. As the years pass by, technology becomes more modernized making the way of life we have easier. It offers numerous jobs , opportunities to everyone. In fact, it opens doors to explore further what this planet we live in has to offer.

Technology has a great impact on how the way we work these days. As aforementioned everything in this world becomes easier to achieve because technology has evolved enormously. Compare to the life before where technology has not fully progressed yet, people used technology in a very limited way. For instance the mobile, beforehand this type of gadget was used only for communication purposes whereas nowadays, this product of modern technology has evolved too much with diversity of purposes. At present, this gadget can be used for entertainment and communication purposes as well as a tool for securing our imperative information concerning our bank account details and some other details to be kept securely.

In spite of the great advantages technology offered to us, correspondingly disadvantages are taking place. Firstly, because it makes to perform our daily tasks easier, people become too dependent on it. People forgot that sometimes, doing efforts physically and mentally without depending on technology alone is beneficial to our health physically and intellectually. Secondly, crime rate increases due to technology. People can easily access one’s account, for example in social media sites by hacking and getting all the essential details that might be used against the owner of that account. Generally, instead of maximizing the person’s ideas and capabilities, it becomes narrowed due to technology dependence.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

Overall, good. A nice range of grammar and vocabulary. Mistakes do not reduce clarity. However, most points need to be developed, perhaps using examples.

And don't forget a clear conclusion at the end!

All the best,
David

[nerieryanc]

Thank you for your feedback sir. I am taking these comments of yours as a challenge to improve my writing skills. I'll work hard on it sir!

Any topic to share so i can write a new essay again? thank you!