Excercise on Academic Writing Task-1. Please assess it & provide me with your valuable feedback.

[Binni.Bedi]

The chart below shows the results of a survey that sampled a cross-section of travelers at a major metropolitan airport about the purpose of their trip. The survey was carried out during months.
Summarize the info by selecting & reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
MARCH JUNE SPETEMBER DECEMBER
BUSINESS 73% 29% 53% 34%
HOLIDAY 18% 54% 31% 35%
VISIT FAMILY 6% 13% 11% 26%
OTHER 3% 4% 5% 5%



The provided data table presents data on percentage of travelers, travelling for different motives in metropolitan airports at the end of every quarter. Here the rows represents the end of every quarter (month) & columns represents the motives of travel. As is observed from the data, initially in March the business travel was much higher than in contrast to other months as well as motives of travel. But over a period of time, people reduced this rate & travelled for meeting their families as well as went on holiday.
As is presented, in March, airport had about 73% of their customers were catching flights for business travel than any other motive for travel i.e., 18% for holiday and 6% for visiting their family. However at the end of second quarter-June, business travel decreased dramatically to 29%. The percentage of holiday visitors soared up quickly by 54% perhaps because of spring holiday. There was a moderate increase in a percentage of people travelling to visit their families. Again in September, people started travel for business purpose by 53%, which is higher than in June (rapidly increased by 24%). The level of holiday & family visitors were declined by 23% & 2%. The last quarter- December shows that travelers went to business & holiday was not much in difference. However there was a huge increase in family visitor i.e., 26 %( highest percentage in a year). There was a very slight fluctuation in percentage of travelers catching flights for other reasons in a whole year.
In brief, people travel for business purpose was well above in the months of March & September. However, in June much percentage of people went on holiday & in last quarter large number of people tends to travel for visiting their families.

Please provide me with scores on different areas
Grammar: ____/10
Prepositions: ____/10
Tense: ____/10
Vocabulary: ____/10
Corrections:
Organizing ideas:
Punctuation:
Overall feedback/score:

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

Overall, a good response. You have described the data and noted the main trends. Vocabulary is very good, with plenty of collocations, e.g. decreased dramatically. There are grammatical errors, but these do not change meaning and a good variety of grammar structures are used.

Note that another way to answer this would be to take each line in turn. This might be clearer, but your method also works.

All the best,
David

[Binni.Bedi]

Greetings for the day. Thank you for your wonderful feedback. I will work on grammar and makes it more presentable. A big thanks to you once again.

[Flick]

The chart below shows the results of a survey that sampled a cross-section of travelers at a major metropolitan airport about the purpose of their trip. The survey was carried out during months.
Summarize the info by selecting & reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
MARCH JUNE SPETEMBER DECEMBER
BUSINESS 73% 29% 53% 34%
HOLIDAY 18% 54% 31% 35%
VISIT FAMILY 6% 13% 11% 26%
OTHER 3% 4% 5% 5%



The provided data table presents data on percentage of travelers, travelling for different motives in metropolitan airports at the end of every quarter. Here, the columns represent the end of every quarter (month) & the rows represent the motives of travel. As is observed from the data, in March business travel was much higher than in contrast to other months as well as other motives of travel. But over a period of time, people reduced this rate & travelled to meet their families as well as to go on holiday.

As is presented, in March, about 73% of airport customers were catching flights for business travel than any other motive for travel i.e., 18% for holiday and 6% for visiting their family. However, at the end of the second quarter, June, business travel decreased dramatically to 29%. The percentage of holiday visitors soared up quickly to 54%, perhaps because of spring holiday. There was a moderate increase in the percentage of people travelling to visit their families, up to 13%. Again in September, people started travel for business purposeaccounting for 53% of travellers, which is higher than in June (rapidly increased by 24%). The number of holiday & family visitors decreased by 23% & 2% respectively. The last quarter, December, shows that travelers for business & holiday were not much different. However, there was a huge increase in travellers visiting family, i.e., 26 % (highest percentage in the year). There was a very slight fluctuation in percentage of travelers catching flights for other reasons throughout the year.

In brief, people travelling for business purposes was significantly higher in the months of March & September. However, in June a large percentage of people went on holiday & in the last quarter a large number of people tended to travel to visit their families.

[Binni.Bedi]

Greetings for the day.

Thank you so much for pointing out my mistakes & providing with wonderful feedback. I will work on it n make sure that i will avoid such mistakes.