Please review Task 2 for GT and rate.

[DJvj]

Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead.
To what extent do you agree with this statement?
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Art is a form of expression which could be expressed in various forms like music, theatre etc. During ancient times, this was one of the ways of entertainment for the people. Over the time, it has been depleted to an extent due to various reasons.

Art is a medium through which artist expressed his/her feelings which can help them in creating the awareness among the public. It is one of important form of entertainment for lot of people by depicting the local tradition and culture. For instance, there are various theatre shows run in the state of Kerala which is a hill stations to give the tourist on the insight about local traditional classical dance as “kathakalli”. This would not only entertain them but also help them in connecting with the local tradition and retaining the heritage of the place at the same time.

Many of people pursue it as their career option. Lot of students actively participates in doing painting as extracurricular activities or learns them during their summer breaks. Parents should encourage their children to involve in these activities.

I believe government should invest more funds in retaining the important piece as it’s been evolved over the years and new institutions should be opened to create more opportunity for those artists. Government should organize more fest or theater shows which can provide opportunities for the artist to showcase their talents and at the same time help public to understand the local culture effectively.

To conclude, art should be preserved so that it can people will benefited in terms of entertainment and nurture the talent which can give them some monetary benefits.

Appreciate your feedback.

[ieltslearner]

Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead.
To what extent do you agree with this statement?
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Art is a form of expression which could be expressed in various forms like music, theatre etc. During ancient times, this was one of the ways of entertainment for the people. Over the time(Over time), it has been depleted to an extent due to various reasons.

Art is a medium through which an artist expressed(expresses) his/her feelings which can help them in creating the awareness among the public. It is one of the important form(s) of entertainment for (a)lot of people by depicting the local tradition and culture. For instance, there are various theatre shows run in the state of Kerala which is a hill stations to give the tourist(s) on the insight(an insight into) about local traditional classical dance as “kathakalli”. This would not only entertain them but also help them in connecting with the local tradition and retaining the heritage of the place at the same time.

Many of people pursue it as their career option. Lot(s) of students actively participates in doing painting as extracurricular activities or learns them during their summer breaks. Parents should encourage their children to get involve(d) in these activities.

I believe government should invest more funds in retaining the important piece(?) as it’s been evolved over the years and new institutions should be opened to create more opportunity (opportunities) for those artists. Government should organize more fest or theater shows which can provide opportunities for the artist to showcase their talents and at the same time help public to understand the local culture effectively.

To conclude, art should be preserved so that it can people will benefited (people can benefit) in terms of entertainment and nurture the talent which can give them some monetary benefits.

Appreciate your feedback.

I see several grammatical corrections that can be made to the above as highlighted in red.

I'm not an expert and maybe David can assist further in this matter but I feel the question also talks about funds for public service which was not mentioned in the essay.

Answering the full question is part of the band score calculation